Express The Angel

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Never In My Shoes

Sunday, March 10, 2013 | 2:12 PM | 0 Alien

Assalammualaikum.

Try to understand the meaning...

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it moveAlways gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Got that meaning?

No wonder I love this song. No wonder I love her songs. No wonder...

I won't back down. I won't lose myself while trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care to lose me. I won't. Why should I live with people who don't care about me? They don't deserve to be in my best moments in the first place.

So, now, I'm gonna throw everything outta my mind.

Yes, she got everything. From head to toe, she has everything. I'm no one compare to her. People listen to her. People love her. People like her. People need her. People long for her. Everything she says should be listened. No words comes from them. They obey her. But not me.

It's like I'm invisible. A shadow in the faded light. Right, I was never there before. They see right through me. They don't see me. Only at times, when the light shines brightly and there, they see a bit of me.

No words can come out of my mouth. It's sealed. No tears dropped out of my eyes. They're locked. Only my heart is there, unlocked. I don't want you to be between my lips for me to talk about you, not in my eyes for me to see you from afar, but in my heart, for me to cherish every moments I'm with you.

All these while, I've been thankful to be with you. But I guess you don't like me. You don't cherish our moments together. We're so different. We're not the same. You can't accept me for who I am.

This is me. I can't change the way I live. I can't change the way I feel. I can't change the way my brain works. Cause this is me. I may be annoying at times. I may be stupid at times. I may be crazy at times. But you just have to accept me for who I am. I never try to be someone else. I live the way I used to live. Only people I'm connected with are different.

So I hope you can accept me for who I am. Accept everything I say, everything I do, everything... Cause I never mean it. I am like this. I can't change myself. I miss the old me. I try to be the old me but I just can't. People around me are different. I also miss the old you. I miss the old us. Don't say that I don't try to change it to be normal. I did but you just seem not to notice it.

You just have to realize that I'm not you. The way our brain works is different. I'm totally not like you. I may be hard at times but I'm soft. I don't take everything to my heart. I tend to forgive people easily. I tend to forget every hurt moments easily. But I just can't forget when people take serious everything I did. Lie. Yes, I admit, my brain remembers every single thing people said, people did that made me sad. But everything is the past. I move on easily. I forgive them. I pretend as if I'm okay. I sing, I dance, I rap as always. Forgive is forgive, forget is forget.

I forgive people, I remember everything, but I never bring it up.

I remember every single thing you said and did that made me happy, sad, angry and frustrated. Everything. The happy moments cover the sad moments. The good words cover the bad words. The fun actions cover the annoy actions. Unknowingly, I smile. Cause I remember how cool our friendship are.

I may be the hole on the floor, people can fall inside me. But I hope you can be the one who patches me back to normal. I hope you can be the one who will notice the slightest hole in me. But will you ever do that? Will you ever think of it? Will you ever care about me?

You thought I'm hypocrite but you just have to know that I'm different. Slightly different from everyone else, that you thought I'm hypocrite, I'm acting. You don't see right through me. You can't see everything in my eyes. You can never be in my shoes. Cause you never will.

I'm touched when she said those words to me. I know how does she feel. This is me. I don't want people to feel the same hurt feeling I feel. I will do everything to make my beloved ones feel happy. I will fight for them. Even if they don't fight for me, even if they never stand up for me, but I just can't help but to fight for them.

So, you can't just blame me for that. I know what I'm doing. I'm not THAT stupid. I appreciate them. I'm thankful to them. Therefore, I fight against the will. I try.

You are lucky. So damn lucky. You have everything while me? You know my stories. But you never get what I feel. You never be in my shoes. You will never feel what I feel. But that belongs to the past. You never know my stories again. You never know what I feel again.

Friends come and go, but I've never thought you'll be one of them.

You move on while I'm still hoping you'll turn back. I'm standing here, waiting for you. But if you never turn back, I guess, I have to run and keep on running until I find someone who truly cares for me, who will never ignore me despite everything I said or did. But just so you know, even though I'm running for the better, I'm still there by your side. I'm not letting you go.

If you ever... Ever miss me, close your eyes, open your mind and remember our happy moments.

By then, I may be moving on. I may be change for the better. But my heart will never change. Cause I'm slightly different. Cause I am different.

Dear you,

I miss you,

I love you,

I need you,

I don't care how much you annoy me,

I don't care how much you ignore me,

I don't care how much you hate me,

I am still here,

Waiting for you.

But you have a replacement,

I'm not by your side anymore,

I'm not there for you anymore,

I'm just a stranger to you,

Who will never be in your heart.

Just so you know,

I really appreciate our friendship,

I am grateful to have you,

I will cherish our moments together,

I truly am sorry.

We are different,

You are black, I am white,

You are fire, I am water,

You are hot, I am cold,

You are you, I am me.

Right. Maybe you don't read my post, but just so you know, I miss the old you.

That's all. I miss you. I'm sorry. Assalammualaikum.

Love you guys, bubblebye ^_^

Labels: fight, friends, heart, myself, sad, school

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I'm gonna...

Thursday, October 11, 2012 | 7:18 PM | 0 Alien

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth.”

― William W. Purkey

What a great quote!

Assalammualaikum.

Yeah. I'm gonna always remember this quote. I'm gonna live like it's heaven on earth. I'm gonna always smile and be happy, even if it hurts me so damn much. No, I'm not gonna be any weaker anymore. No, not anymore. I'm gonna be like I was before. I'm gonna smile and smile and smile. Lemme be the smiling machine. Call me a weird girl for smiling so much, I don't care. Cause it's me, who I am, not you.

I heard something about p---s and g-----s. Wow. Are they connected to each other? They were mentioned right on the same minute. Wow, daebak! It's just a coincidence or what? But what do I care... They're not my business. So, I'm just gonna stay out of them. ^_^

Remember, you are braver than you believe,

You are stronger than you seem,

And you are smarter than you think.

I should have remember this too! I can do better than I think, InsyaAllah. I'm a lot stronger than I thought. Came to think about it, just remembered something that happened yesterday that made me cry when I was about to pray. MasyaAllah, why did I cry yesterday? How could I ruin my own happy day by crying for that one problem? Yesterday was 10th October and yet, I cried for the not-so-important-thing. Huh -,-

Well, it might not be an important thing for me to cry yesterday, but it did important for me on the other days. (Ayat keling?) Nevermind. I know God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but... It's quite a little bit too much for me. For someone like me.

First thing first, as I told you days before, I had a few problems and all and it seemed to be over. Not really over but it was better than before. She called my name even though it was a bit depressing for me at first. No, it's not like I didn't want her to call me name but I was hurt. My heart hurt. It felt like something stabbed it over and over again. Now I knew why. I knew why she disappointed on me. Wow, unbelievable. The moment when she said that line, tears welled in my eyes. I was gonna cry but I held them. I didn't wanna cry. No, not in front of her. Then, she told me to answer that. I knew what I was going to say but since I was in verge of tears, I answered, "عمتي" softly. I didn't smile like I used to. Cause I knew, if I smile, I would cry. It was very disappointing me to know why did she disappoint on me. To know what did I do. To know the truth. People say that sometimes truth is hurt. Yes, it is hurt but it's more painful when you know that someone is lying to make you feel better.

Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely inside me and you will see the girl I am... Isn't me.

I found something that made me thought, Okay, this is it, the thing that I'm looking for.

Always remember compliments you received, forget all about the rude remarks.

This is just what I need. It gives me encouragement. I love it. From now on, I'm gonna remember all the compliments that I received from my teachers, parents, family and friends. I'm not gonna think about the rude remarks or something like that. No. Remember my quote? Live like Spongebob. Laugh out loud and annoy the mean people with your happiness. So, now, I'm gonna be happy. Gonna laugh out loud and ANNOY the MEAN PEOPLE with my happiness. Even when I'm hurt so badly, I'm gonna enjoy myself. Enjoy like it's a part of a show. Enjoy like it's a part of my 2 years imagination.

When I cry at night, the only thing that I can think to myself is how can I seem so-perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay?

I wonder how people see me right now. Sometimes, I just wanna get out of my life, step aside, and watch how people live their life from afar.

Is she still mad at me? I don't know. I have no idea. I seriously can't seem to get how she's feeling right now. The moment she said "NEVER", something hit me. As I told ya, I'm gonna cry. Yes. I was but I didn't. But somehow, I felt unsatisfied. I didn't like how it turned out to be. How something small could turn into a really big problem to me. Huh.

Okay. I guess it's enough for today. Is it long enough? Well, I was kinda emotional when I wrote this post cause I was listening to PAINKILLER by SPICA. I could understand some of lyrics so, yeah. It touched my heart.

Anyway, assalammualaikum! I gotta play The Sims Social! ^_^

Remember these quotes and I'm gonna be happy! Chaiyok! Hwaiting! Fighting!

Na eottokhae arasseo? Huh, no more that sentence in my life, okay? Gotta erase them bit by bit. I'm not gonna ask myself that question again. Every thing happens with a reason - either to make us stronger or to just make this life even more exciting. What life is if everything about it is HAPPY? Life is like a movie. A long movie... What kind of movie who has just happy parts? So bored -,- A great movie needs romance, comedy, action, adventure, happy, sad and sacrifice. It needs every type of genre to make it as the best movie ever. But still... There's just a story that is just so great and gonna be our role-model. Our Prophet Muhammad. Right. I'm gonna be like him. I'm gonna try to be like him. I'm not perfect, so does anyone else but at least I try. I try...

Okay, seriously, assalammualaikum!

- Tetibe hari ni post in English. Nampak sgt lah ke'emotional'an nya di situ. Bila saya emo, saya tulis English -

Labels: enemy, heart, myself, sad, school

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CICAK

Saturday, February 18, 2012 | 1:34 AM | 0 Alien

Assalammualaikum.

I supposed to be sleeping right now but saye x tidur lagi. It's all because of that d*mn, ****, **** lizard! Bodoh punye lizard! -haaa... kan dah kluar perkataan yg x brp nk sedap didengar tuh-.

Saya tak boleh kluar drpd bilik tu sebab ade cicak besar nk mmpos dkat pintu tuh! -saya takot n benci cicak- So, saya kene tunggu smpai 30 minutes! Dah la dlm bilik tu x de kerusi ke ape.. Kene berdiri. Sambil berdiri tuh, saya zikir and bce lah ape bende yg teringat dlm otak. Also, I was shaking the whole time! Mase dlm tuh, I just hoping yg my mom bngon tido and tetibe jalan dekat bilik tuh. But naah... X de pon.

If only lah saya letak phone dlm poket xdi, mesti cpt je boleh kluar drpd bilik tuh. Hmmm... mmg confem lps nih saya dah x nk msok dlm bilik tuh bila pukul 12 lebih!

Cicak tu pon satu... Orang dah halau tu, pandai-2 la pergi tmpt lain. Ni x, asyik duduk kat situ je. Sampai sye nangis brp kali ntah dlm bilik tuh. Sekarang nih, officially, cicak adalah haiwan yg plg sye benci! Mmg bangang la cicak nih. Kalau lah saya ada kuasa, saya nak kuasa yang boleh matikan insects dan haiwan2 yg sama waktu dengannya.

Seriously, tu lah bende yg plg sye hate dlm dunia nih. Haiwan2 jenis yg x phm bahasa nih mmg menyakitkan hati je. X boleh lah bygkan macam mana air mata sye nih boleh keluar just sebab seekor cicak yg besar dan *****. *sigh*

Kalau lah ayah ada kat rumah sekarang nih, mesti best kn? X payah lah tersekat dkt dlm bilik ni sampai 30 minutes! You know, he is my hero - macam Superman, Batman, Ultraman. -Teringat kat Ultraman Tiga. Bestnye lagu Ultraman Tiga tuh- Kalau ade ape2 insects or haiwan2 yg sye x suke, mesti die tlg sye. Macam tadi, masa dekat rumah wan, dekat dpn pintu tu ade kumbang ape bende ntah name die yg besar tuh. Saya x berani nak keluar. My dad datang drpd luar and then, tanye sye knp sye x nk kluar. Sye tunjuk kat kumbang tuh. Then, die sepak bende tuh.

Kalau my mom pulak, mmg berbeza lah. Kalau lah ade insects ape sume bende tuh, die suruh buat dunno je. Macam dia x tau sye ni fobia ngan haiwan2 yg mcm tuh.

Okay, okay. Dah ngantok dah. Kalau tulis psl bende ni lagi, silap-2 boleh nangis balik nih. So, bye and annyeong! Assalammualaikum! Adios!

Labels: animals, annoy, sad, scary

PAST ♥

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Bubblehye

Assalamualaikum! Greetings, aliens from Saturn! You've stepped into BDA's world. Accept me for who I am or just get out of here. I don't bite.
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Reminiscing those moments when we were all together as one big family