Sunday, August 24, 2025 | 10:25 PM | 0 Alien
This is something I talked about with Nana today, during our postcall brekkie.
I told her I possibly wanted to take psy later. But I'm not sure yet. But high possibly, yes, psy is my first choice.
And her first reaction was, "ramainya nak psy..." But then she stopped and looked at me in the eyes.
"Tapi sayanglah kalau Aida masuk psy."
I was like??? What do you mean???
And she said, "Aida sangat berpotensi untuk masuk department lain. Awak pandai handle issues. Awak patut masuk medical/surgical based. Bukan psy."
And it hit me right in the heart-- Atifah said the exact same thing.
Atifah cakap sayang kalau saya ambil psy, sebab saya ada potential untuk dept lain. Literally the exact same thing.
And I keep thinking and thinking about it.
I wanted psy bcs it'll possibly give me a good work-life balance. Well, possibly.
But as a J girl, I know I can handle issues well. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I do my job fast.
Haritu I macam breakdown sebab peri banyak sangat patients dan kerja saya macam tak siap siap, lepastu I rasa macam I buat kerja lambat. Lepastu I ws lah Atifah, saya buat kerja lambat ke?
And she said like, "Aida, saya tahu awak kerja macam mana. Pace kerja kita sama. Kalau awak buat kerja lambat, maksudnya saya buat kerja lambat jugak."
It's so reassuring, bcs she's one of the fastest people I know. Dia buat kerja perform gila. So bila Atifah cakap macam tu, srs rasa nak nangis.
Sometimes, on hard days, I tend to be sooo hard on myself.
As I've said so many times previously, as a person with words of affirmation as my love language, it's so important for me to be reminded of my worth :(
I'm blessed to have such supportive friends. And I do hope I can find a person who gives out love via words of affirmations.
Tbh at this moment, I do consider internal medicine. I also consider ED. And anaest.
Nana did mention I should opt for O&G. Tbh I do love the posting. I just hate the environment. I hate how toxic the work environment is. But I love the jobscope. I love how it combines both medical and surgical knowledge. I love how it's a different world in general.
As for medical, the workload is crazy. But I love how it's a puzzle. It's like playing puzzle pieces every day. Every patient is a mystery. No patient is the same. It's so great to just be able to construct a management for each and every patient.
As for surgical, I don't like the surgical part. I'm not really an OT-person. But maybe I can develop the love, idk. It can make good money kat private. ERCP, esp. Memang patutlah if you were chasing for money. Lowkey hoping my future guy would be in the surgical dept, so that I can stay in the medical dept.
Whatever it is, I hope I'll enjoy each posting. And I hope I can find my love towards a dept and be a specialist soon.
Labels: diary, HOship, medical, myself
________________________________________________________________________________________Friday, June 27, 2025 | 11:35 PM | 0 Alien
This is so random but I happened to feel like writing about this because apparently people have been talking about me being garang recently.
These days, I've been working together with Atifah, Hafiz, and Rem quite a lot.
And we'll be talking about my sad lonely love life and I'll be telling them to find me someone and the conversation will always divert to me being garang 😭
And I'd always say I tak garang langsung, these days I dah tone down banyak sangat dah lepas pergi haji, but Hafiz cakap still garang.
And I was like, "Bila saya ada marah awak? Mana ada. Saya tak garang."
He was like, "Masa aku tak endorse metformin untuk pt post-op I&D."
Istg I tak marah langsung dia masa tu. I just tulis macam ni:
"Hafiz, awak tak endorse metformin pakcik tu. Next time jangan lupa endorse :/ Pagi ni DXT dia 19 :/"
Tu je weh tak marah langsung 😭 Tapi dia mention 2x hari yang berlainan cakap saya marah dia ee pebendaaaaa
Lepastu I cakap lah kat Hafiz, "Sekarang awak takut saya lagi ke?"
And he went silent 😒 Then he was like, "Adalah sikit."
And then Azzam was like, "Aida, kau tak nampak ke tangan dia terketar ketar nak makan roti pun tak tenang kau tanya macam tu."
Tbh I personally think I'm not garang at all. Memanglah I tegas, tapi tegas isn't garang. I tak marah marah orang pun.
With girls, I can safely say yang I tak garang langsung T_T I'm very clingy and manja with my girl friends. But with boys, maybe I'm a little tegas, tapi I tak naik suara with them pun. Paling paling kalau species kuat tease macam Ali tu, aku jeling je. Aku tak cakap pape pun.
Pernah sehari tu, Ali sengaja langgar kerusi I tengah duduk, then I turned to him without saying anything. And Aini was like, "OMG garangnya Aida, dia jeling je wehhhh!!!"
Yea, I may be smol, but you shouldn't mess with me.
Btw, Mimi picked me as the ward leader for 5C. And turned out Masyi approached Faten to be the next leader for surgery.
Honestly, it's unfair bcs if that's so, both leaders will be from 4C. Again. Which is so unfair and annoying.
Tapi sebab Faten is my best friend, and I know that she won't do any injustice (sebab kawan tu sangat jujur, telus, dan baik), so I'm not really worried.
Faten was worried nanti dia tak reti nak reject seniors punya request. Esp since nanti yang akan masuk will be 4th and 5th posters. Semua senior weh T_T Faten pula jenis baik sangat T_T masa medical tu, aku yang geram tengok sone request macam macam, siap ugut nak MC kalau tak grantkan request dia.
Tapi so far, sone tak berani lah dengan aku. And Faten was like, siapa je berani dengan awak, Aida 😂
And then, I was like, "takpe Faten, nanti saya bagi aura garang saya kat awak."
And she was like, ya, dia kena belajar jadi garang.
Hence, the conversation kat atas lol lawak tau sebab dia kata dia takut saya kalau marah HAHAHAHA aku jarang jarang je marah HAHAHAHA paling paling, kalau marah masa oncall, aku nangis je T_T gue cengeng sebenarnya T_T
And she was like, mesti orang ramai benci saya nanti. Awak jangan tinggalkan saya tau Aida.
NO WORRIES, I WON'T LEAVE HER ALONE!
WILL PROTECT FATEN AT ALL COSTS!
Even Ali pun kata I garang, sebab tu dalam top 3 list takleh sakat banyak kali. Ali ni sebenarnya garang jugak, so bila Ali kata I garang, sebenarnya aku percaya je. Sebab tak logic en orang yang garang kata aku garang :/ Dahlah Ali :/
Ali memang obv lah, paling paling dia akan tease sekali dua, lepastu kalau I tak layan, dia biar je. Kalau I senyap, dia akan biar je.
Untuk Ali yang selalu gaduh dengan orang, I really appreciate the fact that dia tak cari pasal dengan saya, dan dia tak pernah gaduh dengan saya.
Because only God knows what will happen if we argue T_T Mesti perang wehhh aku dengan Ali memang dua dua ego tinggi, tapi Ali jenis akan minta maaf kalau dia tahu dia salah.
Dan saya tahu saya jarang salah. <-- Atifah kata hahahaha saya memang takkan minta maaf lol
Umar pun sebenarnya takut aku juga, tapi so far aku tak pernah marah dia teruk teruk lagi. Aku tegas je. Tapi rasanya tak lama lagi, aku akan meletop dan marah dia, dan jadi toxic dengan dia.
I hope the day won't come tho bcs gurllll, aku tahu aku uncontrollable kalau marah T_T
Hm tu je lah kot setakat ni.
Mungkin saya single lagi sampai sekarang sebab saya garang.
Tapi takpelah.
The right person will find me cute and will find it charming.
And if the person exists, then I'll be glad I never change myself.
That's all!
________________________________________________________________________________________
Wednesday, June 18, 2025 | 6:05 PM | 0 Alien
This has been drafted since October 2024.
This is a list of the things I like about myself; in case I'm feeling worthless later.
This is a much-needed list, but tbh I've been postponing writing this post for a week already.
It's quite hard to pinpoint a specific thing I like about myself, but I know this is important.
As the time I'm writing this post, I'm feeling down because someone just commented that I look chubby during the HOship. My weight is the same. I probably lost a total of 2 kg in general, but I don't think it's obvious. My waist is currently 61 cm. In conclusion, I'm not chubby / getting any chubbier throughout this 1 month of HOship.
So I needed this.
Myself needed this list.
I need to be reminded that I love myself, that I have good qualities that I like about myself, whatever it is.
Bismillah, here we go!
- I'm strong headed
Strong headed / hard-headed, whichever you prefer. I personally like the word strong headed more, because it shows my strength, rather than me being degil and don't wanna listen to anyone.
Once I made up my mind about something, it'll take forever for me to change my mind, unless something proves the thought to be wrong. I'm hard to please and I know some people find me intimidating whenever I've decided on something, but I think it's okay. It shows that my mental is not weak, that I'm not easily influenced by other people.
I'm strong headed and I love that about myself.
I'm pretty sure no one will refute this quality in me. That's just how strong headed I am.
Update 15/12/25: a guy just rejected me yesterday because "character awak terlalu tegas" "awak strict dengan decision awak". He was talking about how he felt sad/scared that I would leave him whenever I couldn't tolerate him, so he left me first :) how ironic :)
So now that I'm a bit calm, here's my take:
Everyone around me knows that I am tegas and strict with my decision. I don't change my mind when I made it up. But it's not a weakness. It's a strong quality for me, because I respect myself enough to stick with my thoughts. I respect myself enough to not be a lalang and change my decision every 1-2 business days. I respect myself enough to know that whenever I've decided something, I've thought about it thoroughly, and I'll have no regrets afterwards.
And when they are people who find it as a flaw, I think it reflects themselves. It reflects their low self-confidence and how they're not willing to handle my mind, or they don't even have the courage to handle my mind.
I grew up from a torn family. I've seen and heard and learned a lot as I grew up. My mind was shaped into this really strong persona, and it's honestly a good quality. It's a protective mechanism I have from foolish people. And screw those people who find it as my flaw.
- I'm positive
I'm all rainbows and flowers and butterflies and sunshine and all good vibes most of the time. I know sometimes I'm a bit too anxious, but most of time, I try to keep my thoughts positive.
I try to keep up with the motivational statuses every day with hopes that at least someone out of the hundred people seen the status would feel comforted. I hope the statuses keep someone sane, remind them that they're worthy, that they did amazing in this life, that it's not time to give up with life yet.
Many of my friends have mentioned that the motivational statuses have helped them in some kinds of way, and I'm very thankful to know that.
- I'm nice
I always try to help people out whenever I can. I speak nicely to everyone, and I don't discriminate anyone. I try to be nice to everyone, even with rude people.
When the stupid ass U**i didn't do his work and put most of the work on me, Farhan said to Atifah, "kesian Aida, Aida dah lah baik." But Atifah replied with, "Aida tu baik sebab dia masuk lambat je, banyak lagi kena belajar. Kalau dia masuk awal, tak nampak lah side dia tu." Well, in a way, it's true. I wouldn't let him step on my self-worth that much if I were to enter the HOship early.
I'm nice, I know it, even if sometimes I'm just a bit too nice.
It's hard to say 'no' to people, especially whenever the seniors ask me to do something.
- I'm soft-spoken
My speaking tone is soft most of the time, regardless of anyone I'm talking to. Well, probably except when I'm making a decision and standing up for myself-- then it's a big no. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I speak softly to everyone. It's not the cringy type. It's just the calming type, I guess.
And I like that about myself.
Even if it's hard to speak loudly whenever people call the ward and I have to walk up to at least 2 SNs to tell them to speak to the phone, I still find it okay.
I'm pretty sure my friends, esp the distant ones, would agree on this tho. The close ones-- sorry, I'm a bit too carefree with them hehe but I still speak nicely to them.
- I do my job well
I can learn fast and do my job well (in my opinion). Atifah always says that she knows I'll do my job well, that I won't have a problem in doing my job (but she's always scared if I'll talk back to the MOs).
But honestly, I don't think it's a valid concern. I know when and when not to talk back to people. I don't think people should worry about me when it comes to that because I certainly think before I talk back.
Going back to the topic, I've been good in doing my job since university. You won't catch me slacking off because I don't.
Starting my CFS year as the subcommittee of MEDCY, then climbing my way up slowly until I became the vice president 1 of MedSS and the president of Volunteer Team in the same year, and pushed my team to win The Best Club and The Most Outstanding Outreach Programme.
And my colleagues now, most of them praise me for doing my job fast and for being efficient. I have pride in my work because I know I do my job well, and I'll improve fast.
In medical, the MOs trust me to take care of 12 patients alone. And the MOs even trust my oncall reviews because they said I perform well and I do my job well.
- I am a good leader
I was born to be a leader. There, I said it. I am a good follower, but I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes. So I'm better suited as a leader.
In medical, I think a lot when I'm making my daily ward schedule. I have a lot of pride in my schedules, in the sense that ONLY lazy MOs would complain about my schedule (putting first posters at acute) and that's it.
- I'm a good listener
Some people might say that I yap a lot, especially through ws status. But if you get to know me, I am a really good listener. I can listen well. And I remember their stories well. I pay attention and I remember.
And I offer comfort to some people. This is probably my own personal thoughts, but I know for sure that I've at least spread warmth and comfort to people around me.
- I can be level-headed
Surprise, surprise. I learned this about myself last night. When Daus decided to stop our taaruf, I realized from my replies that I can be level-headed. That I can be calm, respectful, and nice when facing difficult situations in life. I didn't lash out. I didn't explain myself that much. I didn't throw myself into the bridge.
Instead, I accepted his decision and that's it. It was over for us. But I learned that I can be level-headed, which is now a new quality I love about myself <3
- I'm matured
Hisyam mentioned this about me recently. He said I'm matured, and that's probably why he thinks I don't match well with Daus. I laughed at that time, because I thought Daus was the matured one. Last night, 14/12/25, I learned that I am the matured one. I realized that being matured is owning up to your flaws, willing to talk about it and willing to work on it, willing to solve whatever issues between us. That's maturing, rather than running away.
Maybe what I've experienced from little made me mature a bit fast, but that's fine. It's great. Only the ones who love me will find this quality great.
- I'm straightforward
I'm expressive. I say what I feel. I show what I feel. I don't allow any room for other people to second guess my thoughts, because I'm straightforward and I am willing to tell you my thoughts if you ask me. If I like it, then it'll show. If I don't like it, it'll show as well. I don't wear a mask to hide my emotions/feelings/thoughts. I don't need one. I'm matured enough to come forward and tell you the truth.
Some people are afraid of this. But I'm a simple person -- being straightforward is the key to a simple life. Those who are afraid of the truth, those with low confidence in themselves, will find me intimidating with how straightforward I am.
But let me tell you, Aida Sabrina, I'm proud of you. Own up to this good quality of yours. Be straightforward. The right person will acknowledge and appreciate it.
- I'm strong
As someone who has gone through a lot, I have a strong personality. I am strong. If you look closely, you can see how strong I am, even if I'm fragile. I am strong, even if I look weak. I am strong, even if life throws shit at me. I am strong, and there's no denial about it. I may be small, but I am strong mentally. I may not be physically strong, but I can win the mind games. I am strong.
I respect myself enough to know that I am strong. Through my ups and downs, I am strong. Even when I feel like I can't make it out alive, I am strong. Even when I think it's the end of my breath, I am strong.
And for that, Aida Sabrina, thank you. Thank you for being strong for me.
Honestly, there are all the qualities that I can think of for now.
It took me a lot of time and courage to list this down, but I made it!
I hope future me can look back to this list and add a lot more qualities that I like about myself <3
Thank you for being me <3
Labels: myself
________________________________________________________________________________________Monday, June 24, 2013 | 12:56 PM | 0 Alien
Left-click untuk besarkan gambar, which I suggest you not to click it. //CLAW
Saya duduk elok-2 masa tu, lepas kene tegur dengan Aishah.
Assalammualaikum.
Semalam Hari Sukan SKS kali ke-17. *clap clap* Ramai yang datang semalam; Saya, Aishah, Nabila, Kamalin, Adlina, Zakirah, Syaqira, Hasif, Amirul, Rasyidah, Anura, Atiyah dan Nurin. (Saya hanya mention budak-2 kelas 6A)
Saya masuk ke kawasan sekolah, terus nampak orang pakai baju warna pink, tudung labuh pink sekali dengan handbag tu. Tahu dah. Confirm Aishah! Saya terus lari kat dia. Saya tinggal aje adik-2 saya tu. Lupa pula ayah saya suruh look after my brothers. HAHA XD.
Lepas lama sikit tu, saya dengan Aishah cari Kirah, lepas breakfast. Tak jumpa pun. Last-2, nampak Kirah, Adlina, Nabila dan Kamalin lepak dekat-dekat dengan orang laki. Hmphh... Then, saya duduk sebelah Nabila. Mula-mula, saya duduk bersila macam Nabila kat dalam gambar kat atas tu, but then, Aishah tegur a.k.a marah saya and suruh saya duduk elok-elok. Aye, captain!
So, saya duduk lah macam kat atas tu. Aishah suruh saya cover ayu sikit. Ye lah... Tahulah saya ni jenis yang TERLALU carefree, langsung tak cover. Saya, from percakapan till the way saya act, memang tak berapa nak cover kalau dengan kawan-2. Lagi-2 kawan-2 saya pun lebih kurang gitu aje. Cakap tak cover, lebih-2 lagi Izzati! Dah lah perkataan dia tak bertapis, kuat pulak tu! Bukan dia aje, ramai juga classmates saya yang tak cover. Pakaian dah okay, nakal lah pulak. Bising. Haiyoo~
Hari tu, masa balik kampung sebab ada kenduri tu, saya buat pose macam Superman nak terbang sambil dengar lagu benda ntah. Wolf rasanya. Then, mak saya kata, "pakai tudung labuh dah, perangai macam hape. Cuba control ayu sikit." Lebih kurang gitu lah. Dia belum tengok lagi Izzati, Aina dan Faten!
Back to the story, lepas tu, saya pandang belah kiri saya and terkejut saya nampak Hasif tepi saya. Otak saya ada idea yang sangat bernas. Saya bangun. Pergi kat Aishah.
"Aishah, jom tukar tempat. Saya nak duduk sini~"
Aishah mula-2 macam okay but lepas dia tengok je tempat saya duduk tadi tu, terus dia nag macam nenek. Nasib, nasib kene dengar. Tapi fortunately, dia tak pukul saya.
Hasif malu-2 kucing bila nampak Aishah. Oops.
Hidung dia macam Ji Seok Jin! Agree 100%
Bila masa ni? Cheq tak ingat -_-
Eh, macam kenal aje?
Yeah, tu Rasyidah!
Saya, Aishah and Kirah pakai tudung labuh. And Zulaiha kata, kita ustazah pilihan <3 HAHA XD. Mana ada. Ni sebab dah biasa.
Sad truth: Kat luar, pakai tudung labuh, kat skolah, tak pakai tudung labuh T.T
Tengah tunggu my mom buat keputusan and cari kedai utk jahit tudung labuh utk sekolah. Harap-2 dapat pakai tudung labuh cepat. Serious rasa pelik.
Masa saya, Kamalin dan lain-2 cakap-2 dalam kelas, Kamalin tanya, ada tak sapa-2 dalam kelas saya yang kat luar free-hair terus?
ADA! Budak lelaki. <-- Hidden msg
Memang ada pun. Then, kita cakap pasal how pendek meja tu and sapa duduk kat mana dlm kelas masa darjah 6 tu and such. Saya ingat lagi saya duduk mana. Ye lah, saya seorang je yang sesat duduk kat barisan 4 belakang tu. Saya penghalang laluan orang nak pergi buang sampah ke tong sampah. HAHA XD. Blame Najmi! Kalau bukan sebab dia kata kat teacher yang saya cakap dengan Qistina, takde lah saya kene duduk situ. And saya ingat masa saya nangis sebab kene tukar tempat tu. Padahal saya tukar tempat dengan Najmi aje. Dia duduk tengah, between saya dengan Qistina. HAHA XD.
Then, kita pergi luar kelas, dekat hadiqah. Cantik, tapi a bit serabut dan kolam dia terlalu GREEN! Kenapa tak BLUE?!
Geurae wolf, naega wolf. AWOOO~!
Lepas tu, kita gi jumpa cikgu-2 and my adik-2 angkat! Rindu kat diaorg tapi banyak tak jumpa sebab diaorg masuk acara and such T.T
TERzoom.
Saya tertukar Diana and Amierah. Sorry, adik-2 kakak. ^_^
Dia darjah 6 ^_^
My favorite photo <3 Muah muah
Mana adik saya? Ce teka
Yang pakai topi biru tu. Ammar.
Biru mantap! See that topi?
With Ainnur my sweet snow white <3
Sangat cantik stoking tu. HAHA XD
They say mulut saya muncung bila saya bercakap.
Malam semalam, saya chat dengan Najiha. Mengarut-2 benda yang kita chat. Biasalah, saya ni memang macam ni. Bila dengan kawan-2, chat mengarut-2 aje. Sampai bila tak habis chat.
Lepas tu, Najiha kata saya pembawa VIRUS MEREPEK. Call it Virus Merepek BDA. HAHA XD. Masa awal tahun, Syahirah kata, saya VIRUS MENYANYI (singing virus). Then, lepas lama sikit tu, Aina kata saya... VIRUS PEMBUNUH . Okay, assalammualaikum.
Geng-2 SMART cakap macam tak pernah jumpa dekat SMART aje semalam. Tu lah, lain kali jangan senyum aje bila jumpa kat SMART. Kene bising and bising and bising! Macam saya... LOLOL.
T.T Saya tak jadi orang first yang wish birthday Atiqah T.T
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY TALL
DONGSAENG, ATIQAH!
May Allah bless you always, jagi. ^_^ Semoga adik lebih tinggi dan semoga adik happy selalu! Kakak tak romantic and tak pandai nak berbahasa and buat ayat best. Love you, my yeobo! <3
Love you guys, bubblebye ^_^
Labels: friends, girls, myself, pictures, random, school, sing, voice, weird
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
