This is something I talked about with Nana today, during our postcall brekkie.
I told her I possibly wanted to take psy later. But I'm not sure yet. But high possibly, yes, psy is my first choice.
And her first reaction was, "ramainya nak psy..." But then she stopped and looked at me in the eyes.
"Tapi sayanglah kalau Aida masuk psy."
I was like??? What do you mean???
And she said, "Aida sangat berpotensi untuk masuk department lain. Awak pandai handle issues. Awak patut masuk medical/surgical based. Bukan psy."
And it hit me right in the heart-- Atifah said the exact same thing.
Atifah cakap sayang kalau saya ambil psy, sebab saya ada potential untuk dept lain. Literally the exact same thing.
And I keep thinking and thinking about it.
I wanted psy bcs it'll possibly give me a good work-life balance. Well, possibly.
But as a J girl, I know I can handle issues well. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I do my job fast.
Haritu I macam breakdown sebab peri banyak sangat patients dan kerja saya macam tak siap siap, lepastu I rasa macam I buat kerja lambat. Lepastu I ws lah Atifah, saya buat kerja lambat ke?
And she said like, "Aida, saya tahu awak kerja macam mana. Pace kerja kita sama. Kalau awak buat kerja lambat, maksudnya saya buat kerja lambat jugak."
It's so reassuring, bcs she's one of the fastest people I know. Dia buat kerja perform gila. So bila Atifah cakap macam tu, srs rasa nak nangis.
Sometimes, on hard days, I tend to be sooo hard on myself.
As I've said so many times previously, as a person with words of affirmation as my love language, it's so important for me to be reminded of my worth :(
I'm blessed to have such supportive friends. And I do hope I can find a person who gives out love via words of affirmations.
Tbh at this moment, I do consider internal medicine. I also consider ED. And anaest.
Nana did mention I should opt for O&G. Tbh I do love the posting. I just hate the environment. I hate how toxic the work environment is. But I love the jobscope. I love how it combines both medical and surgical knowledge. I love how it's a different world in general.
As for medical, the workload is crazy. But I love how it's a puzzle. It's like playing puzzle pieces every day. Every patient is a mystery. No patient is the same. It's so great to just be able to construct a management for each and every patient.
As for surgical, I don't like the surgical part. I'm not really an OT-person. But maybe I can develop the love, idk. It can make good money kat private. ERCP, esp. Memang patutlah if you were chasing for money. Lowkey hoping my future guy would be in the surgical dept, so that I can stay in the medical dept.
Whatever it is, I hope I'll enjoy each posting. And I hope I can find my love towards a dept and be a specialist soon.
Labels: diary, HOship, medical, myself
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
