________________________________________________________________________________________ Told ya. 

Labels: diary, HOship, love rants

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 Today, I approached Mr to get his sign for the borang burn CD.

And he was like, "How are you?"

I couldn't hear him bcs my right ear was blocked (I had a cold + fever + cough) so I was silent, then he was like, "You're having a bad day?"

I was like, "Nah, I'm just not feeling quite well." 

And he was like, "Yeah, same."

They said he used to have scandals with petite HOs

He would always smile and greet me whenever he saw me outside of ward. At first, I was like, oh, he was just being friendly. But then, the others were like, "oh so he knows you..."

So far, bcs he's done nothing but being kind to me, I'm okay with the gestures.

And I hope it'll stay that way until I'm out of this department.

Ngl he made it easier for me, bcs I can get his signs easier. It's also easier for me to communicate with him.

I also love the fact that he'd praise me when the praise is due. 

But I'll be careful, no worries. 

Sometimes, I think it's quite of a pretty privilege. Not saying that I'm pretty, but I look presentable. And some people are attracted to presentable people, especially men. The male MOs. 

I have a few in my list that are nice to me probably bcs I look presentable. 

But I'm a good and responsible HO, mind you. I'd be grateful to have an HO like me, if I were an MO.

But sometimes you can't ignore the truth. They're nice to me initially because I look presentable. The male MOs would always remember my name. Tbh the female ones would remember my name as well. 

Faten said I'm easy to remember and differentiate. You won't get me mixed up with anyone else.

Haritu ada lah Dr Hafiz ingat i Syamimi, lepastu aku tak reply, lepastu dia macam "eh awak bukan syamimi ke?" LOL masatu i tagger lagi lol ada juga dr tertukar i dengan athirah, tapi tu sekali dua je. Lepastu mimi dengan athirah would be like, "Agak agak lah tertukar saya dengan awak. Awak cantik kot."

Hm.

Rindunya kulit dulu yang flawless. 

Sekarang terpaksa pakai makeup hari hari sebab kulit tak lawa hm.

Dr A*m*r pun dulu baik dengan I sebab 'lawa' je rasanya awal awal. Lepastu I happened to do my job well, so lepastu memang okay je kerja dengan dia. 

Atifah pernah cakap lah, dia rasa pretty privilege is real, esp in the healthcare system. 

Ngl, it can't be denied. Memang akak akak SN akan lagi baik dengan kita kalau kita lawa. Memang patients akan lagi lembut dengan kita kalau kita lawa. Memang MOs akan kenal kita kalau kita lawa.

Truly undeniable.

That's why I work hard to look presentable at work.

I pakai makeup, pakai bawal, pakai skirt, anything to look presentable.

Tapi yknow me, sebenarnya I pakai tu semua sebab I tak suka nampak selekeh. I tak suka tengok diri sendiri buruk depan cermin. I malu.

The consequences that come afterwards tu are a bonus. 

Tbh HOship was bearable partly bcs I looked presentable.

Labels: diary, HOship

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 This is something I talked about with Nana today, during our postcall brekkie.

I told her I possibly wanted to take psy later. But I'm not sure yet. But high possibly, yes, psy is my first choice.

And her first reaction was, "ramainya nak psy..." But then she stopped and looked at me in the eyes. 

"Tapi sayanglah kalau Aida masuk psy."

I was like??? What do you mean???

And she said, "Aida sangat berpotensi untuk masuk department lain. Awak pandai handle issues. Awak patut masuk medical/surgical based. Bukan psy."

And it hit me right in the heart-- Atifah said the exact same thing.

Atifah cakap sayang kalau saya ambil psy, sebab saya ada potential untuk dept lain. Literally the exact same thing.

And I keep thinking and thinking about it.

I wanted psy bcs it'll possibly give me a good work-life balance. Well, possibly. 

But as a J girl, I know I can handle issues well. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I do my job fast.

Haritu I macam breakdown sebab peri banyak sangat patients dan kerja saya macam tak siap siap, lepastu I rasa macam I buat kerja lambat. Lepastu I ws lah Atifah, saya buat kerja lambat ke?

And she said like, "Aida, saya tahu awak kerja macam mana. Pace kerja kita sama. Kalau awak buat kerja lambat, maksudnya saya buat kerja lambat jugak."

It's so reassuring, bcs she's one of the fastest people I know. Dia buat kerja perform gila. So bila Atifah cakap macam tu, srs rasa nak nangis. 

Sometimes, on hard days, I tend to be sooo hard on myself. 

As I've said so many times previously, as a person with words of affirmation as my love language, it's so important for me to be reminded of my worth :(

I'm blessed to have such supportive friends. And I do hope I can find a person who gives out love via words of affirmations.

Tbh at this moment, I do consider internal medicine. I also consider ED. And anaest. 

Nana did mention I should opt for O&G. Tbh I do love the posting. I just hate the environment. I hate how toxic the work environment is. But I love the jobscope. I love how it combines both medical and surgical knowledge. I love how it's a different world in general.

As for medical, the workload is crazy. But I love how it's a puzzle. It's like playing puzzle pieces every day. Every patient is a mystery. No patient is the same. It's so great to just be able to construct a management for each and every patient.

As for surgical, I don't like the surgical part. I'm not really an OT-person. But maybe I can develop the love, idk. It can make good money kat private. ERCP, esp. Memang patutlah if you were chasing for money. Lowkey hoping my future guy would be in the surgical dept, so that I can stay in the medical dept.

Whatever it is, I hope I'll enjoy each posting. And I hope I can find my love towards a dept and be a specialist soon.

Labels: diary, HOship, medical, myself

________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm always gonna be sad whenever batch atifah keluar posting :(

Labels: diary, HOship, photo dump, surgery

________________________________________________________________________________________ It's really annoying how people question my schedule bcs I'm the kind of person who THINKS before I do something, especially ward schedules. 

Labels: HOship, surgical

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 Hi!

Just finished my third oncall in surgical posting yesterday. Oncall berlima, I jaga 5C alone while Aini was busy dekat ED and Mira kat busy in OT. My MO was Dh, and ofc, I expected it to be a night full of annoyance.

Daripada petang tu, I dah baca dalam group yang Dh tanya ada issue apa apa tak dalam ward? Anything to discuss with him?

Tapi takde orang reply pun.

So I expected the ward to be okay lah kan.

LAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH TAK LANGSUNG!!!!!!!!

I datang awal sebab maghrib 7.22 pm, lepastu sabtu pulak, memang jam lah jalan. And then sampai sampai, tengok semua masih tulis oncall review. Okay lah, takpe biar je, pergi solat dulu. Lepastu nampak nana tengah sibuk sibuk clerk nc, pastu nana suruh saya tolong endorkan ubat, so I buat je lah kan.

Lepastu pukul 8.05, Aini ws dalam group kata Mr Syafiq otw 5C, nak round.

Lahhhhhhhh semua tak settle lagi :) Passover pun belum lagi :)

Ingatkan Mr nak round acute dulu, but noooo, dia tengok pt yang ada issue dulu. Pt dekat subacute, post ERCP, c/o severe epigastric pain radiating to the back. TAPI ERCP DIA PUKUL 10.30 AM TAU! DARIPADA PETANG TADI PT COMPLAINED SAKIT, TAPI MALAM NI JUGAK BARU NAK ATTEND!

Mr suruh Nana masukkan branula, tapi bump, pastu Mr sendiri yang try (orang kata Mr memang pandai masukkan branula) tapi tak dapat jugaaaa. Lepastu Mr cakap takpe run bolus dulu, lepastu masuk branula dan ambil vbg sekali post bolus. Lepastu Mr suruh bagi IV fentanyl 50 mcg stat, lepastu kalau sakit lagi, bagi IVI tramadol 8mg/H.

Ku fikirkan sampai situ je lah issuenya.

Eh tak ya :)

Mr start round drpd acute, lepastu tanya lah ni ada issue ke, tu ada issue ke. 

Lepastu stop dekat NC B24, yang Nana busy buat tadi tu. Pt ascending cholangitis, tapi on NpO2. Mr was like??? Kenapa dia pakai NpO2? 

Turned out akak SN noted SpO2 under RA 90% je, lepastu Nana tak ambil abg, Nana suruh start bagi NpO2 terus. Tapi Mr minta abg under RA pastu tu lah, memang takde lah ceritanya. Lepastu Mr suruh ambil abg under NpO2. Pt ni dah ada 2 branula, so okay je lah. Pt afebrile, PA SNT je. Cuma issuenya oxygenation je ah. 

Lepastu Mr nak endorse ubat, lepastu Mr tengoklah med chart, and he was like, "Siapa endorse ubat ni? Tulisan cantik." I angkat tangan, and he handed the med chart to me, saying, "Okay, you lah endorse." Lepastu I macam okayyy, lepastu Umar gelak, lepastu Mr cakap, "Apa? That was a compliment." Berbunga bunga hati Mr puji tulisan cantik hehe

Okay sambung, untuk abg tu, I macam kejap eh Nana, I kena follow round, takut nanti tak tahu kes dalam ward. Pastu lahhh, next pt pun issue jugakkk!!! Ni pt issue paling terbesarlah sebab the whole night aku jaga makcik ni haih issue paling besar tapi duduk 3rd lol make it make sense

The funny thing is, takde siapa rasa issue patient ni besar.

Pt ascending cholangitis (again...) developed fever 39C petang. Then diaorang tak buat pape, tak bagi pcm (sebab ascending cholangitis katanya), tak suruh tepid sponging, and instead, diaorang ambil septic workup je. Tu pun tak bagitahu sebenarnya :) Dapat tahu dah ambil septic workup AFTER kitaorang ambil septic workup pt ni lol lawak tak :)

Makcik ni kena masuk branula juga sebab nak run bolus, tapi susah. Memang tak rasa line. I nak try tapi kena follow round.

Tapi pt 3rd lain pulak, tiber vomiting, pastu akak cakaplah pt vomit drpd petang tadi. I tanya Azzam, ada bagi maxolon tak? Lahhh takde T_T nangis lah aku Ya Allah T_T Lepastu i macam u endorse maxolon stat pls, thanks. 

Kat 4th pulak, 2 pts Mr dischargekan malam tu jugak Ya Allah kurniakanlah aku kesabaraaaaan T_T Mr was like, "Puan nak balik tak malam ni? Ada orang boleh ambil tak? Haa balik je lah malam ni."

APA BENDA WEHHH AKU DAHLAH ONCALL SORANG!

Dah nak nangis dah waktu tu, tapi sabar dulu jap. Orang sebelah dia pun Mr offer untuk discharge and pt pun obv nak discharge.

Pastu kiranya dah habis round kan, I pun pergi kat makcik yang nak branula kat 3rd tu. Lahhhhh, developed chills and rigors yang teruk gila pulak. Anak dia menangis nangis tak bagi kitaorang nak pasang another line, suruh pasang nanti, sebab mak dia tengah sejuk.

Aku macam ??? sebab mak puan tengah macam ni lah kita kena pasang line sekarang.

Pastu saya tanya lah, buat tak tepid sponging? Lepastu dia kata mak dia tak nak, mak dia kata sejuk.

Lagilah aku jem sebab ??? KAU EXPECT MACAM MANA MAK KAU NAK SIHAT KALAU KAU TAK TEPID SPONGING, TAK BAGI MASUK LINE, PASTU NANTI KALAU AKU TAK BUAT PAPE, KAU CAKAP DOCTOR TAK FUNCTION PULAK. PASTU KAU EXPECT AKU BUAT APA? BACA JAMPI BIAR MAK KAU SIHAT KE? 

Geram pulak aku.

Lepastu I macam eh berapa transaminitis dia? Teruk sangat ke? ALP ya lah 300, tapi ALT AST <100, so boleh je lah bagi stat dose. Lepastu I tengok Mr ada dekat 4th lagi, pastu I macam, "Mr, boleh tak pt ascending cholangitis bed 27 tu saya bagi IV PCM stat? ALT AST dia okay less than 100." Lepastu Mr cakap okay bagi jee.

Lepastu bagi, lahhhh memang hilang chills and rigors tu lepas letak PCM. Lepastu Muhammad naik ward tiba tiba tau, pastu I macam "eh kenapa muhammad?" Lepastu dia cakap Mr suruh dia naik tolong 5C, sebab ada 3 pts ascending cholangitis tengah resus. 

Terharu sangat Mr suruh Muhammad naik T_T

Branula makcik tu memang susahlah. I try dua kali pun tak dapat. Muhammad try rasa line pun tak dapat. Lepastu Rem datang, lepastu dia mcm, "Aida, kau baru masuk shift pun dah berpeluh. Panas sangat ni." Azzam pun, "Aida... Aida..." Muhammad pun mcm, "Aida, kau baru masuk shift tau."

Bukan salah saya issues ni semua jadi malam malam. Ni semua issues drpd petang yang tak settle sebenarnya T_T

Lepastu Rem yang dapat branula makcik tu. Perform lah Rem, rasa nak peluk sebab dia perform ngat sobs dia dahlah drpd EMOT. 

Lepastu saya masukkan pula branula pt yang Mr tak dapat tu. Nasib baik dapat sekali try je. Masalahnya, aku ambil sekali dengan BCM. Tapi BCM dia tu orang pagi pergi hantar stat, bukan as bcm. So bcm dia takde dah lah :)

Turned out discharges semua dah settle, sebab Jiha, Nana, Rem, Umar (mcm tak je sebenarnya) buat sambil I tengah settlekan issues tu semua. 

Terharu <3 Diaorang balik lambat gilaaa, 10.30 macam tu kot tolong I T_T Nak nangis sebab diaorang baik gila sobs sebab I memang sorang je, Aini kat ED, Mira kat OT. Muhammad datang sebab Mr suruh lah lepastu dia stay kejap sampai diaorang semua balik and made sure I was okay, baru dia turun balik.

Dr W jaga uro, tapi dia tolong tengok pt ascending cholangitis yang post ERCP acute pancreatitis tu, pastu dia mcm "siapa yang jonah sangat ni?" I pandang Nana, Nana pandang I. Nana pun cakap, "Dr, kesian kawan saya niiii." 

And I was like, "Ya, Dr, saya lah yang J tu." And he was like, "OMG u memang Jonah keee?! Akakkkk, dia mengaku dia jonah!!!" And I was like, "Dr, this is my 3rd oncall. So far, 1st oncall saya intubate, 2nd oncall saya CPR." and he was like, "Okay gurl, u stay away from uro pls. Suruh kawan u yang ambil bcm uro ya." LOL

Dh suruh I pm dia pasal issues tu, pastu aku bagi summary panjang dan concise dah, lepastu awal awal dia reply, "haiz, penat lah" with a smiley emoji. Tapi lepastu dia ws balik, cakap, "I drpd pagi dalam OT, u rasa I faham ke dengan summary u bagi ni? Give me the dx, issue, what happened, what was done, vital signs trend, temperature, blood ix."

LITERALLY MACAM AM REVIEW.

Aku dah macam ??? pebenda gila ??? Aku sempat bagi 2 je untuk pt pt yang penting, lagi 2 tak sempat, sebab drpd aku ws dia yang dalam OT tu, baik aku pergi settle semua issues.

Oh ha 4 issues, sebab 3 issues tu pt ascending cholangitis yang I dah cerita kan. 1 lagi tu, pt recurrent breast ca with spine and brain mets, dah DNR dah, cuma takde communication sheet lagi. Pt tu developed frothy saliva tadi masa round. TAPI UMAR TAK PASSOVER KAT AKU PUN EE GERAM JE AKU NAK PUKUL BUDAK TU!!!

Basically, the whole night memang banyak issues.

Pt drpd 3rd tu, pergi acute, lepastu BP asyik hypotensive. I run another 1 pint bolus, then MAP achieved, tapi still hypotensive-ish. Normotensive yang cukup cukup makan je. 

Lepastu, pt post op EUA + WD for left gluteal abscess, tiber SpO2 under RA 90%. Put on NpO2, abg tak cantik, then up to VM40, tapi mcm tak berapa pick up jugak oxygen, so put on VM60 :)

Pukul 4.30 Dh keluar OT, dia pun round semua pt pt yang ada issues tu. 

Lepastu dia mcm "u tengok vbg acidotic ni, u buat apa?"

pH okay, tapi pCO2 dengan HCO3 low sikit, tapi aku mana boleh bagi NaHCO3??? So aku pun mcm... "saya tak buat apa apa."

"Yes, cakap je u tak buat apa apa. I penat dah ni."

Aku macam... pebenda gila... Tapi dia takdelah bagi any extra plan pun. Cuma kena run bolus 1L/1H untuk 4 pts yang ada issues ha ha baguih nahh, semua nak bolus. Lepas bolus, semua kena repeat blood gases and other blood yang dia nak zz

Tapi sepanjang round, dia macam monologue je lah. Tak marah marah pun. Okay jeee. Ada satu pt tu i tak ambil coag, pastu dia mcm, "dah tahu pt takde coag, ambillah coag." Slow je. Pastu I cakap okay. Lepastu dia mcm, "eh, I was talking to myself."

Basically okay je lah dia. Tapi memang dia sepatutnya okay je lah, sebab issues semua aku dah settlekan -_- semua pts dah stable dah by the time dia datang ward -_-

Lepastu pukul 7.30 dia datang balik ward cari I sebab nak suruh bagi sodium bicarb dekat 2 pts, lepastu I cakap, ok. Ada 1 nc baru naik 6.50, I tengah clerk. Pastu dia tengoklah nc tu. Pastu dia mcm ??? kenapa pt ni masuk sini???

Memanglah abdominal distension for 6 months, tapi pt datang sebenarnya sebab frank hematuria for 2 days. Tapi uro tengok as peri je... Pastu I macam lah, "tbh I rasa tak sepatutnya under kita pun. Dia datang sebab hematuria and dysuria, so bukan kita punya pun..." And he was like, "Yeah, I agree with you."

Tiber bila habis tengok pt tu, dia pusing belakang and was like, "eh ni pt apa? I tak tahu pun ada."

EH LAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

TU NC BEFORE 5PM, MANA LAH AKU TAHU DIA TAK TAHU PT TU WUJUD!!!

Lepastu dia mcm nak penyekkan muka aku (yang un grr punya hand gesture tu) sambil cakap, "mana lagi nc u tak bagitahu i?" Pastu i mcm... "takdeeeeee" lepastu Mira tunjuk communication sheet untuk pt DNR tu, lepastu dia mcm "oh nasib baik u dah buat kertas ni. Okay lemme read it first."

Lepastu he was like, "okay seriously girl, mana lagi nc u tak bagitahu i?"

Tu je lah kot T_T

Lepastu I pun pergi tengok pt pt bolus tu while dia tengok nc yang semalam dengan orang pagi tu, pastu i tengah ambil blood, I dengarlah dia cari i lagi, pastu mira tunjuk I kat sebelah pt ambil blood. Lepastu he was like, "Oh I didn't see u there. Ingat tau, bed 13, 14 nak sodium bicarb." And I was like, ya ya no worries.

Okay tu jeeeeee.

Akak akak SN semua cakap malam tu panas gila, issues nonstop, diaorang penat bekerja.

Meanwhile, aku HO sorang yang jaga ward tu macam :) :) :) saya ni pun dah nauseous kak, solat isyak pukul 3 am. 

Sumpah rasa macam oncall medical, except kalau oncall medical, akak akak lagi function lah sebenarnya. Dan dr sentiasa ada untuk discuss :/ Dan dr pun pandai pandai sikit ehek

Tbh I memang lagi suka medical so far. Paling suka medical. Nanti I tulis feedback I pasal medical in another post hehe tak sempat lagi tulis

I rasa medical taught me to be a doctor. Aku boleh attend issues weh, tak sangka. Tak sangka aku boleh attend issues and settlekan issues by myself. All thanks to medical fr fr.

Honestly, I was proud of myself (kinda) for being able to hold onto whatever strength I had that night and settled all issues. 

By the time Dh datang, pts semua stable. Afebrile. Not in pain. No issues. Yang hypotensive tu je lah, tapi MAP 71. Pt afebrile, no complain, cuma hypotensive sikit je. 

Dia tak perlu pening pening fikir pasal issues patients, sebab semua dah settle.

Orang pagi pun tak perlu pening fikir issue patient, sebab semua patients dah stable by the time orang pagi datang.

Honestly, geram lah sikit sebab issues tu jadi semuanya sebab orang pagi (first posters) tak sedar yang issue tu adalah issue. 

Tapi takpelah eh, diaorang pun baru nak belajar. Kita okay je handle issues, so takpe je.

Bersyukur kawan kawan oncallers semua tolong BCM while I settle all issues.

Patients semua hidup alhamdulillah.

Labels: HOship, oncall, surgery

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Labels: HOship, myself

________________________________________________________________________________________ I know it's nothing. 

Labels: HOship, medical

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The day is finally here!

Today marks my last day in O&G department! 

Okay, basically, last Tuesday (14/1/25) was my real last working day in O&G.

All in all, I'd personally rate O&G a solid 8/10

Okay, it's quite generous now that I think about it. But it deserves an 8. 

Hear me out.

It's not as bad as I thought it'd be.

I chose O&G as my first posting so that I'd have a high threshold for people's scolding. But apparently, my threshold was high from the very beginning lol.

So far, I have never cried from doctor's scolding (surprisingly) (or not). But to be fair, I have never been scolded that bad in the dept. Yes, I was being shouted at once, not long after off-tagging, by a malignant MO, but it wasn't my fault. It was her projecting her sad misery life onto me. I simply did my job. She was shouting at me about how I didn't know how assess the pt's pain score, but well, well, she couldn't even assess the pain score either. What a clown. 

And on my last day, I entered an EMLSCS for fetal distress with her and holy crap, it was a -9999 experience because she said I was a disappointment. In my defense, her steps were way too different from other doctors. I didn't know what she wanted, and she was picky as hell. Yes, I probably didn't perform as great as usual bcs I hadn't entered the OT for sooo long, but tbh, I didn't perform that bad. Her techniques were just different and that's it.

Now, adding up to the bad side of the department...

Let's see...

The doctors are okay, surprisingly. Some are unfortunately kinda malignant. But most of them are nice, especially the guys. As for the ladies, they are emotionally-driven. In other words, sometimes they're okay, and sometimes they're not. But they are bearable tbh.

On my first day, I was told that my first day would define how I see O&G in general.

Honestly, my first day in O&G was amazing as hell!

I was taught by 3 cool senior HOs, and 2 nice MOs (Dr A and Dr D). I was the only girl at low risk that day. And I'm so glad to be stationed at low risk first with those wonderful people. They really helped me a lot.

Of course I didn't end up seeing O&G amazing as hell, but it was great.

I managed to put on a full-face make-up every day.

That reflects how comfortable I was in the dept, yeah?

Certain doctors would point out at my makeup (some in a good way, and some in a sarcastic way). Dr NA would always puji me and say how rajin I was for putting on makeup, how good I looked post-call, how intact I looked with makeup on.

And my patients and SNs- they'd always puji me as well. One SN in 1B even looked at my face carefully and be like, "Dr harini pakai makeup warna apa? Pink juga eh? Saya suka tengok." She was pregnant hehe

Tbh, make-up was the only thing that made me feel alive.

That's why I couldn't give it up.

And my skin was breaking out in O&G. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was so sad tbh. My period became irregular. It was so sad. I was probably more stressed out than I thought I was. 

But anyway, I love the teamwork here. I love how we work together as a team for our patients.

Most patients won't feel anything when I did VE on them, and it was such a nice feeling, knowing that I didn't cause any pain to them.

And I know most doctors like working with me because I didn't talk a lot, I did my job as I was supposed to, and I wasn't problematic at all.

It was kinda obvious how some doctors would prefer me over other people to do the job, and they were a lot nicer to me compared to other people.

Now that I think about this, I honestly can't come up with anything I truly like in O&G. 

Maybe I find it bearable because I'm familiar with it, not because I truly enjoy the dept.

And I realized that joining all those co-curricular activities back in uni really helped developed my working etiquettes. 

Some doctors didn't even know I was a first poster until I told them :') Even fellow HOs (the one that entered the dept when I was alrd 2 months in) thought I was a second / third poster.

I'm not sure if I have a lot more to write, but I'll update along the way, whenever I remember something.

In the meantime, let me upload some pictures throughout the posting that I have in my new phone.

The pictures are not in order because I'm so lazy to arrange them.

Labels: diary, HOship, O&G

PAST ♥

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Mine ;
Name : A!da $abr!na
Nicknames : A!da/$abr!na/Angel/BDA/Blue Diamond Angel/Alien/Dodo/Clown/Aidada/Chanyeol's Wifey
Korean name : Park Angelina
Birthday : 14th May 1999
State : EXO Planet, Earth, Saturn
Status : Officially taken by Chanyeol

Likes ;
☆ Kpop
☆ Chanyeol
☆ Blogging
☆ McFlurry Oreo
☆ Geronimo Stilton
☆ Fanfics
☆ Rapping

Hates ;
☆ Anons
☆ Copypasters
☆ Kpop haters
☆ Haters
☆ Annoying person
☆ Liars

Facts ;
◕‿◕ Currently studying in SMART
◕‿◕ I express my feelings through fictions
◕‿◕ Sometimes I think I'm good in writing and sometimes I think I'm not
◕‿◕ Deep inside me, I want to write an English novel on my own
◕‿◕ Creating posters is one of my hobbies actually
◕‿◕ Love to read English novels but never really finish reading every word in them
◕‿◕ I can get so touched when I read sad fictions
◕‿◕ I love to collect quotes from fictions
◕‿◕ I only read angst fictions- kinda
◕‿◕ Wish I can be fluent in Arabic, English, Korean, Japanese, Mandarin and Urdu ASAP
◕‿◕ I don't really like to do the same thing over and over again. Get sick of it seriously
◕‿◕ I have flaws but I'm thankful for that
◕‿◕ I want someone who doesn't care about me embarrassing myself. Example: If I accidentally make fun of myself, then he would laugh and then he would say things like "haha you're so embarrassing but who cares? My love for you won't ever change." Cheesy enough heh?
◕‿◕ And I want that someone to love me for being random. Example: When I write about random things out of the topic we're talking about, he would be saying things like, oh you're so random, why do I like you in the first place and such. Too cheesy I kennot
◕‿◕ Sometimes I talk too much
◕‿◕ I am so not romantic but I love romantic things but I'm so geli with all those romance thingy

"Capture well the moment because it is evanescent."

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Sya-Syahirah | Ana Marlina | Ana Min-Ji | My Lost Star | You're Cold, I like! | Loving You Secretly | Can't You See? | Blue Diamond Angel | Chanyeol's Wifey | ASK BDA

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Stories of De Angel

I express my feelings by writing stories.

Synopsis !

Prologue !

Chapter 1 !

Chapter 2 !

Coming soon !

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My Asianfanfics Fictions

My Lost Star !

Can't You See? !

Coming soon !

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Recommended Fanfics

My Crazy Hot Aliens !

My Crazy Hot Aliens II: The Invasion !

My Arranged Marriage with EXO-K's Sehun !

A Taste Of Your Own Medicine !

Murder In The Dark !

Yellow Dahlias !

Love Letters !

Coming Soon !

Happens again and again

Monday, October 13, 2025 | 11:09 PM | 0 comments

Told ya. 

I'll fall for him over and over again whenever we work together. 

He was being kinda mean last last tadi, he was saying "aku rasa yang jonah jonah ni sebab korang bising, banyak cakap (referring to me and adib). Cuba korang chill, senyap je, mesti sejuk." Then I was like, "pebenda, mana ada kitaorang bising. Apa maksud awak bising?" Then he was like, takde apa lah. Baguslah kalau macam tu. Then he said, tapi aku tak percaya benda tu semua. Karut. Khurafat. Syirik. 

Lahhhh... 

Tapi tbh, he talks a lot. Wayyyy a lot compared to me. I rasa, 80% of the time was just him talking, and the other 20% was me asking questions and giving responses to his story.

Man didn't realize he talks a lot btw. 

For example, masa buat t/in tadi, i tanya, "saya curious, ayah awak orang apa?" Then, member tu terus cerita background parents dia, asal usul datang drpd indonesia. Turns out he's an indonesian by ethnicity, 100%. Not malay. Wow. I baru tahu. 

And he knows javanese and apa tah bahasa satu lagi i forgot. Balawu(?) He is a multilingual person but he doesn't even admit it. Dia kata dia lagi fluent bahasa jawa drpd bahasa inggeris. 

And, we ate together today. Nothing much, I know, but it's unexpected lah from him. We ordered pak han, lepastu masa dah sampai, i pergilah ambil, pastu tiba tiba dia call. "Kau pergi mana?" I said ambil makanan, then he said, "kenapa kau tak suruh aku do?" Saya cakap "awak takde" then he said, "call je lah aku." Ayat sebiji dengan haiqal semalam lol. What is it with guys bila girls pergi ambil makanan? 🤣 Then he said, "dah turun ke?" Pastu i cakap, i dah dalam lif, otw naik dah ni wak. 

Pastu tak lama lepastu, dia nak pergi makan. I macam okay. Pastu i buatlah bcm sebab kalau i pergi makan sekali dengan dia, risau dia ingat saya suka dia. Memang saya suka dia pun tapi tak nak lah obvious. I learned my lessons from uni days and I'm traumatized for life. And the man didn't even seem to prefer a company pun, lagi lagi perempuan. 

Tiber, he went back to the tx room and asked, "kau buat apa lagi? Jomlah makan." I macam ??? Member ni ajak aku makan??? Member ni??? Pastu i pun pergi. Ajak wani tapi wani dah makan roti. So it was just the both of us. 

I expected us to eat in silence and awkwardness. 

Eh. 

Tak langsung.

Member cakap tak henti. 

Sampai dia habis makan, sampai dia sambung makan apple, sampai habis, tak henti bercakap. I dengar je. Dia yang banyak cakap. 

Pastu dia terkejut i boleh main main dengan ihsan pasal umur dia hahaha i cakap yang "ihsan spm 15 tahun lepas" pastu member mcm "eh cane kau boleh cakap mcm tu kat ihsan?" Pastu saya mcm lahhh ihsan je pun. Then he was like, oh ihsan best friend kau lah eh. Lahhhhh. 

Kau yang tak nak jadi best friend aku. 

Hm.

Tahlah.

I harap kalau he's not the one, God makes it easy for me to move on. Pls.

Labels: diary, HOship, love rants

Pretty Privilege?

Monday, August 25, 2025 | 8:30 PM | 0 comments

 Today, I approached Mr to get his sign for the borang burn CD.

And he was like, "How are you?"

I couldn't hear him bcs my right ear was blocked (I had a cold + fever + cough) so I was silent, then he was like, "You're having a bad day?"

I was like, "Nah, I'm just not feeling quite well." 

And he was like, "Yeah, same."

They said he used to have scandals with petite HOs

He would always smile and greet me whenever he saw me outside of ward. At first, I was like, oh, he was just being friendly. But then, the others were like, "oh so he knows you..."

So far, bcs he's done nothing but being kind to me, I'm okay with the gestures.

And I hope it'll stay that way until I'm out of this department.

Ngl he made it easier for me, bcs I can get his signs easier. It's also easier for me to communicate with him.

I also love the fact that he'd praise me when the praise is due. 

But I'll be careful, no worries. 

Sometimes, I think it's quite of a pretty privilege. Not saying that I'm pretty, but I look presentable. And some people are attracted to presentable people, especially men. The male MOs. 

I have a few in my list that are nice to me probably bcs I look presentable. 

But I'm a good and responsible HO, mind you. I'd be grateful to have an HO like me, if I were an MO.

But sometimes you can't ignore the truth. They're nice to me initially because I look presentable. The male MOs would always remember my name. Tbh the female ones would remember my name as well. 

Faten said I'm easy to remember and differentiate. You won't get me mixed up with anyone else.

Haritu ada lah Dr Hafiz ingat i Syamimi, lepastu aku tak reply, lepastu dia macam "eh awak bukan syamimi ke?" LOL masatu i tagger lagi lol ada juga dr tertukar i dengan athirah, tapi tu sekali dua je. Lepastu mimi dengan athirah would be like, "Agak agak lah tertukar saya dengan awak. Awak cantik kot."

Hm.

Rindunya kulit dulu yang flawless. 

Sekarang terpaksa pakai makeup hari hari sebab kulit tak lawa hm.

Dr A*m*r pun dulu baik dengan I sebab 'lawa' je rasanya awal awal. Lepastu I happened to do my job well, so lepastu memang okay je kerja dengan dia. 

Atifah pernah cakap lah, dia rasa pretty privilege is real, esp in the healthcare system. 

Ngl, it can't be denied. Memang akak akak SN akan lagi baik dengan kita kalau kita lawa. Memang patients akan lagi lembut dengan kita kalau kita lawa. Memang MOs akan kenal kita kalau kita lawa.

Truly undeniable.

That's why I work hard to look presentable at work.

I pakai makeup, pakai bawal, pakai skirt, anything to look presentable.

Tapi yknow me, sebenarnya I pakai tu semua sebab I tak suka nampak selekeh. I tak suka tengok diri sendiri buruk depan cermin. I malu.

The consequences that come afterwards tu are a bonus. 

Tbh HOship was bearable partly bcs I looked presentable.

Labels: diary, HOship

Psy? Potential?

Sunday, August 24, 2025 | 10:25 PM | 0 comments

 This is something I talked about with Nana today, during our postcall brekkie.

I told her I possibly wanted to take psy later. But I'm not sure yet. But high possibly, yes, psy is my first choice.

And her first reaction was, "ramainya nak psy..." But then she stopped and looked at me in the eyes. 

"Tapi sayanglah kalau Aida masuk psy."

I was like??? What do you mean???

And she said, "Aida sangat berpotensi untuk masuk department lain. Awak pandai handle issues. Awak patut masuk medical/surgical based. Bukan psy."

And it hit me right in the heart-- Atifah said the exact same thing.

Atifah cakap sayang kalau saya ambil psy, sebab saya ada potential untuk dept lain. Literally the exact same thing.

And I keep thinking and thinking about it.

I wanted psy bcs it'll possibly give me a good work-life balance. Well, possibly. 

But as a J girl, I know I can handle issues well. Everyone knows that. Everyone knows I do my job fast.

Haritu I macam breakdown sebab peri banyak sangat patients dan kerja saya macam tak siap siap, lepastu I rasa macam I buat kerja lambat. Lepastu I ws lah Atifah, saya buat kerja lambat ke?

And she said like, "Aida, saya tahu awak kerja macam mana. Pace kerja kita sama. Kalau awak buat kerja lambat, maksudnya saya buat kerja lambat jugak."

It's so reassuring, bcs she's one of the fastest people I know. Dia buat kerja perform gila. So bila Atifah cakap macam tu, srs rasa nak nangis. 

Sometimes, on hard days, I tend to be sooo hard on myself. 

As I've said so many times previously, as a person with words of affirmation as my love language, it's so important for me to be reminded of my worth :(

I'm blessed to have such supportive friends. And I do hope I can find a person who gives out love via words of affirmations.

Tbh at this moment, I do consider internal medicine. I also consider ED. And anaest. 

Nana did mention I should opt for O&G. Tbh I do love the posting. I just hate the environment. I hate how toxic the work environment is. But I love the jobscope. I love how it combines both medical and surgical knowledge. I love how it's a different world in general.

As for medical, the workload is crazy. But I love how it's a puzzle. It's like playing puzzle pieces every day. Every patient is a mystery. No patient is the same. It's so great to just be able to construct a management for each and every patient.

As for surgical, I don't like the surgical part. I'm not really an OT-person. But maybe I can develop the love, idk. It can make good money kat private. ERCP, esp. Memang patutlah if you were chasing for money. Lowkey hoping my future guy would be in the surgical dept, so that I can stay in the medical dept.

Whatever it is, I hope I'll enjoy each posting. And I hope I can find my love towards a dept and be a specialist soon.

Labels: diary, HOship, medical, myself

Will be missing them

Sunday, July 6, 2025 | 8:09 PM | 0 comments

I'm always gonna be sad whenever batch atifah keluar posting :(

Just a photo dump of all the pictures we managed to take before they exit the posting.

Hm rindu them already :( diaorang semua perform haih semoga yang ganti diaorang nanti lagi perform pls haih

Labels: diary, HOship, photo dump, surgery

Schedule

Tuesday, July 1, 2025 | 4:36 PM | 0 comments

It's really annoying how people question my schedule bcs I'm the kind of person who THINKS before I do something, especially ward schedules. 

I take a lot of things into account — how long they'll be working, who their partner will be, who will stay until oncall review.

For today's schedule, yes, the acute person is PA5. But she has a partner, a tagger who has been in surgical for almost 2 weeks. 

And they'll both work until thursday. 

So? 

What's the problem here? 

Pastu nak aku letak yang am ke kat acute? Yang tu lagi obviously takkan ada until oncall review. Lepastu complain lah pulak, oh, kenapa jaga acute am? Habislah tagger jaga sorang sorang. 

Siapa je yang bukan tagger yang amp? Rem? Dia kerja harini je, esok cuti. Lepastu esok, aku tukar lagi orang yang jaga acute. Ha tukar tukar orang acute sampai mampus. Every day tukar tukar, takde orang tahu cerita from A to Z, pastu??? 

Sorry aku memang bitter bila orang question decision aku sebab aku berfikir sebelum aku buat jadual. 

Kalau kau tak suka, kau buat jadual. 

Labels: HOship, surgical

3rd Oncall Panas Panas

Monday, June 30, 2025 | 1:19 PM | 0 comments

 Hi!

Just finished my third oncall in surgical posting yesterday. Oncall berlima, I jaga 5C alone while Aini was busy dekat ED and Mira kat busy in OT. My MO was Dh, and ofc, I expected it to be a night full of annoyance.

Daripada petang tu, I dah baca dalam group yang Dh tanya ada issue apa apa tak dalam ward? Anything to discuss with him?

Tapi takde orang reply pun.

So I expected the ward to be okay lah kan.

LAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH TAK LANGSUNG!!!!!!!!

I datang awal sebab maghrib 7.22 pm, lepastu sabtu pulak, memang jam lah jalan. And then sampai sampai, tengok semua masih tulis oncall review. Okay lah, takpe biar je, pergi solat dulu. Lepastu nampak nana tengah sibuk sibuk clerk nc, pastu nana suruh saya tolong endorkan ubat, so I buat je lah kan.

Lepastu pukul 8.05, Aini ws dalam group kata Mr Syafiq otw 5C, nak round.

Lahhhhhhhh semua tak settle lagi :) Passover pun belum lagi :)

Ingatkan Mr nak round acute dulu, but noooo, dia tengok pt yang ada issue dulu. Pt dekat subacute, post ERCP, c/o severe epigastric pain radiating to the back. TAPI ERCP DIA PUKUL 10.30 AM TAU! DARIPADA PETANG TADI PT COMPLAINED SAKIT, TAPI MALAM NI JUGAK BARU NAK ATTEND!

Mr suruh Nana masukkan branula, tapi bump, pastu Mr sendiri yang try (orang kata Mr memang pandai masukkan branula) tapi tak dapat jugaaaa. Lepastu Mr cakap takpe run bolus dulu, lepastu masuk branula dan ambil vbg sekali post bolus. Lepastu Mr suruh bagi IV fentanyl 50 mcg stat, lepastu kalau sakit lagi, bagi IVI tramadol 8mg/H.

Ku fikirkan sampai situ je lah issuenya.

Eh tak ya :)

Mr start round drpd acute, lepastu tanya lah ni ada issue ke, tu ada issue ke. 

Lepastu stop dekat NC B24, yang Nana busy buat tadi tu. Pt ascending cholangitis, tapi on NpO2. Mr was like??? Kenapa dia pakai NpO2? 

Turned out akak SN noted SpO2 under RA 90% je, lepastu Nana tak ambil abg, Nana suruh start bagi NpO2 terus. Tapi Mr minta abg under RA pastu tu lah, memang takde lah ceritanya. Lepastu Mr suruh ambil abg under NpO2. Pt ni dah ada 2 branula, so okay je lah. Pt afebrile, PA SNT je. Cuma issuenya oxygenation je ah. 

Lepastu Mr nak endorse ubat, lepastu Mr tengoklah med chart, and he was like, "Siapa endorse ubat ni? Tulisan cantik." I angkat tangan, and he handed the med chart to me, saying, "Okay, you lah endorse." Lepastu I macam okayyy, lepastu Umar gelak, lepastu Mr cakap, "Apa? That was a compliment." Berbunga bunga hati Mr puji tulisan cantik hehe

Okay sambung, untuk abg tu, I macam kejap eh Nana, I kena follow round, takut nanti tak tahu kes dalam ward. Pastu lahhh, next pt pun issue jugakkk!!! Ni pt issue paling terbesarlah sebab the whole night aku jaga makcik ni haih issue paling besar tapi duduk 3rd lol make it make sense

The funny thing is, takde siapa rasa issue patient ni besar.

Pt ascending cholangitis (again...) developed fever 39C petang. Then diaorang tak buat pape, tak bagi pcm (sebab ascending cholangitis katanya), tak suruh tepid sponging, and instead, diaorang ambil septic workup je. Tu pun tak bagitahu sebenarnya :) Dapat tahu dah ambil septic workup AFTER kitaorang ambil septic workup pt ni lol lawak tak :)

Makcik ni kena masuk branula juga sebab nak run bolus, tapi susah. Memang tak rasa line. I nak try tapi kena follow round.

Tapi pt 3rd lain pulak, tiber vomiting, pastu akak cakaplah pt vomit drpd petang tadi. I tanya Azzam, ada bagi maxolon tak? Lahhh takde T_T nangis lah aku Ya Allah T_T Lepastu i macam u endorse maxolon stat pls, thanks. 

Kat 4th pulak, 2 pts Mr dischargekan malam tu jugak Ya Allah kurniakanlah aku kesabaraaaaan T_T Mr was like, "Puan nak balik tak malam ni? Ada orang boleh ambil tak? Haa balik je lah malam ni."

APA BENDA WEHHH AKU DAHLAH ONCALL SORANG!

Dah nak nangis dah waktu tu, tapi sabar dulu jap. Orang sebelah dia pun Mr offer untuk discharge and pt pun obv nak discharge.

Pastu kiranya dah habis round kan, I pun pergi kat makcik yang nak branula kat 3rd tu. Lahhhhh, developed chills and rigors yang teruk gila pulak. Anak dia menangis nangis tak bagi kitaorang nak pasang another line, suruh pasang nanti, sebab mak dia tengah sejuk.

Aku macam ??? sebab mak puan tengah macam ni lah kita kena pasang line sekarang.

Pastu saya tanya lah, buat tak tepid sponging? Lepastu dia kata mak dia tak nak, mak dia kata sejuk.

Lagilah aku jem sebab ??? KAU EXPECT MACAM MANA MAK KAU NAK SIHAT KALAU KAU TAK TEPID SPONGING, TAK BAGI MASUK LINE, PASTU NANTI KALAU AKU TAK BUAT PAPE, KAU CAKAP DOCTOR TAK FUNCTION PULAK. PASTU KAU EXPECT AKU BUAT APA? BACA JAMPI BIAR MAK KAU SIHAT KE? 

Geram pulak aku.

Lepastu I macam eh berapa transaminitis dia? Teruk sangat ke? ALP ya lah 300, tapi ALT AST <100, so boleh je lah bagi stat dose. Lepastu I tengok Mr ada dekat 4th lagi, pastu I macam, "Mr, boleh tak pt ascending cholangitis bed 27 tu saya bagi IV PCM stat? ALT AST dia okay less than 100." Lepastu Mr cakap okay bagi jee.

Lepastu bagi, lahhhh memang hilang chills and rigors tu lepas letak PCM. Lepastu Muhammad naik ward tiba tiba tau, pastu I macam "eh kenapa muhammad?" Lepastu dia cakap Mr suruh dia naik tolong 5C, sebab ada 3 pts ascending cholangitis tengah resus. 

Terharu sangat Mr suruh Muhammad naik T_T

Branula makcik tu memang susahlah. I try dua kali pun tak dapat. Muhammad try rasa line pun tak dapat. Lepastu Rem datang, lepastu dia mcm, "Aida, kau baru masuk shift pun dah berpeluh. Panas sangat ni." Azzam pun, "Aida... Aida..." Muhammad pun mcm, "Aida, kau baru masuk shift tau."

Bukan salah saya issues ni semua jadi malam malam. Ni semua issues drpd petang yang tak settle sebenarnya T_T

Lepastu Rem yang dapat branula makcik tu. Perform lah Rem, rasa nak peluk sebab dia perform ngat sobs dia dahlah drpd EMOT. 

Lepastu saya masukkan pula branula pt yang Mr tak dapat tu. Nasib baik dapat sekali try je. Masalahnya, aku ambil sekali dengan BCM. Tapi BCM dia tu orang pagi pergi hantar stat, bukan as bcm. So bcm dia takde dah lah :)

Turned out discharges semua dah settle, sebab Jiha, Nana, Rem, Umar (mcm tak je sebenarnya) buat sambil I tengah settlekan issues tu semua. 

Terharu <3 Diaorang balik lambat gilaaa, 10.30 macam tu kot tolong I T_T Nak nangis sebab diaorang baik gila sobs sebab I memang sorang je, Aini kat ED, Mira kat OT. Muhammad datang sebab Mr suruh lah lepastu dia stay kejap sampai diaorang semua balik and made sure I was okay, baru dia turun balik.

Dr W jaga uro, tapi dia tolong tengok pt ascending cholangitis yang post ERCP acute pancreatitis tu, pastu dia mcm "siapa yang jonah sangat ni?" I pandang Nana, Nana pandang I. Nana pun cakap, "Dr, kesian kawan saya niiii." 

And I was like, "Ya, Dr, saya lah yang J tu." And he was like, "OMG u memang Jonah keee?! Akakkkk, dia mengaku dia jonah!!!" And I was like, "Dr, this is my 3rd oncall. So far, 1st oncall saya intubate, 2nd oncall saya CPR." and he was like, "Okay gurl, u stay away from uro pls. Suruh kawan u yang ambil bcm uro ya." LOL

Dh suruh I pm dia pasal issues tu, pastu aku bagi summary panjang dan concise dah, lepastu awal awal dia reply, "haiz, penat lah" with a smiley emoji. Tapi lepastu dia ws balik, cakap, "I drpd pagi dalam OT, u rasa I faham ke dengan summary u bagi ni? Give me the dx, issue, what happened, what was done, vital signs trend, temperature, blood ix."

LITERALLY MACAM AM REVIEW.

Aku dah macam ??? pebenda gila ??? Aku sempat bagi 2 je untuk pt pt yang penting, lagi 2 tak sempat, sebab drpd aku ws dia yang dalam OT tu, baik aku pergi settle semua issues.

Oh ha 4 issues, sebab 3 issues tu pt ascending cholangitis yang I dah cerita kan. 1 lagi tu, pt recurrent breast ca with spine and brain mets, dah DNR dah, cuma takde communication sheet lagi. Pt tu developed frothy saliva tadi masa round. TAPI UMAR TAK PASSOVER KAT AKU PUN EE GERAM JE AKU NAK PUKUL BUDAK TU!!!

Basically, the whole night memang banyak issues.

Pt drpd 3rd tu, pergi acute, lepastu BP asyik hypotensive. I run another 1 pint bolus, then MAP achieved, tapi still hypotensive-ish. Normotensive yang cukup cukup makan je. 

Lepastu, pt post op EUA + WD for left gluteal abscess, tiber SpO2 under RA 90%. Put on NpO2, abg tak cantik, then up to VM40, tapi mcm tak berapa pick up jugak oxygen, so put on VM60 :)

Pukul 4.30 Dh keluar OT, dia pun round semua pt pt yang ada issues tu. 

Lepastu dia mcm "u tengok vbg acidotic ni, u buat apa?"

pH okay, tapi pCO2 dengan HCO3 low sikit, tapi aku mana boleh bagi NaHCO3??? So aku pun mcm... "saya tak buat apa apa."

"Yes, cakap je u tak buat apa apa. I penat dah ni."

Aku macam... pebenda gila... Tapi dia takdelah bagi any extra plan pun. Cuma kena run bolus 1L/1H untuk 4 pts yang ada issues ha ha baguih nahh, semua nak bolus. Lepas bolus, semua kena repeat blood gases and other blood yang dia nak zz

Tapi sepanjang round, dia macam monologue je lah. Tak marah marah pun. Okay jeee. Ada satu pt tu i tak ambil coag, pastu dia mcm, "dah tahu pt takde coag, ambillah coag." Slow je. Pastu I cakap okay. Lepastu dia mcm, "eh, I was talking to myself."

Basically okay je lah dia. Tapi memang dia sepatutnya okay je lah, sebab issues semua aku dah settlekan -_- semua pts dah stable dah by the time dia datang ward -_-

Lepastu pukul 7.30 dia datang balik ward cari I sebab nak suruh bagi sodium bicarb dekat 2 pts, lepastu I cakap, ok. Ada 1 nc baru naik 6.50, I tengah clerk. Pastu dia tengoklah nc tu. Pastu dia mcm ??? kenapa pt ni masuk sini???

Memanglah abdominal distension for 6 months, tapi pt datang sebenarnya sebab frank hematuria for 2 days. Tapi uro tengok as peri je... Pastu I macam lah, "tbh I rasa tak sepatutnya under kita pun. Dia datang sebab hematuria and dysuria, so bukan kita punya pun..." And he was like, "Yeah, I agree with you."

Tiber bila habis tengok pt tu, dia pusing belakang and was like, "eh ni pt apa? I tak tahu pun ada."

EH LAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

TU NC BEFORE 5PM, MANA LAH AKU TAHU DIA TAK TAHU PT TU WUJUD!!!

Lepastu dia mcm nak penyekkan muka aku (yang un grr punya hand gesture tu) sambil cakap, "mana lagi nc u tak bagitahu i?" Pastu i mcm... "takdeeeeee" lepastu Mira tunjuk communication sheet untuk pt DNR tu, lepastu dia mcm "oh nasib baik u dah buat kertas ni. Okay lemme read it first."

Lepastu he was like, "okay seriously girl, mana lagi nc u tak bagitahu i?"

Tu je lah kot T_T

Lepastu I pun pergi tengok pt pt bolus tu while dia tengok nc yang semalam dengan orang pagi tu, pastu i tengah ambil blood, I dengarlah dia cari i lagi, pastu mira tunjuk I kat sebelah pt ambil blood. Lepastu he was like, "Oh I didn't see u there. Ingat tau, bed 13, 14 nak sodium bicarb." And I was like, ya ya no worries.

Okay tu jeeeeee.

Akak akak SN semua cakap malam tu panas gila, issues nonstop, diaorang penat bekerja.

Meanwhile, aku HO sorang yang jaga ward tu macam :) :) :) saya ni pun dah nauseous kak, solat isyak pukul 3 am. 

Sumpah rasa macam oncall medical, except kalau oncall medical, akak akak lagi function lah sebenarnya. Dan dr sentiasa ada untuk discuss :/ Dan dr pun pandai pandai sikit ehek

Tbh I memang lagi suka medical so far. Paling suka medical. Nanti I tulis feedback I pasal medical in another post hehe tak sempat lagi tulis

I rasa medical taught me to be a doctor. Aku boleh attend issues weh, tak sangka. Tak sangka aku boleh attend issues and settlekan issues by myself. All thanks to medical fr fr.

Honestly, I was proud of myself (kinda) for being able to hold onto whatever strength I had that night and settled all issues. 

By the time Dh datang, pts semua stable. Afebrile. Not in pain. No issues. Yang hypotensive tu je lah, tapi MAP 71. Pt afebrile, no complain, cuma hypotensive sikit je. 

Dia tak perlu pening pening fikir pasal issues patients, sebab semua dah settle.

Orang pagi pun tak perlu pening fikir issue patient, sebab semua patients dah stable by the time orang pagi datang.

Honestly, geram lah sikit sebab issues tu jadi semuanya sebab orang pagi (first posters) tak sedar yang issue tu adalah issue. 

Tapi takpelah eh, diaorang pun baru nak belajar. Kita okay je handle issues, so takpe je.

Bersyukur kawan kawan oncallers semua tolong BCM while I settle all issues.

Patients semua hidup alhamdulillah.

Labels: HOship, oncall, surgery

Garang

Friday, June 27, 2025 | 11:35 PM | 0 comments

This is so random but I happened to feel like writing about this because apparently people have been talking about me being garang recently.

These days, I've been working together with Atifah, Hafiz, and Rem quite a lot. 

And we'll be talking about my sad lonely love life and I'll be telling them to find me someone and the conversation will always divert to me being garang 😭

And I'd always say I tak garang langsung, these days I dah tone down banyak sangat dah lepas pergi haji, but Hafiz cakap still garang.

And I was like, "Bila saya ada marah awak? Mana ada. Saya tak garang."

He was like, "Masa aku tak endorse metformin untuk pt post-op I&D."

Istg I tak marah langsung dia masa tu. I just tulis macam ni:

"Hafiz, awak tak endorse metformin pakcik tu. Next time jangan lupa endorse :/ Pagi ni DXT dia 19 :/"

Tu je weh tak marah langsung 😭 Tapi dia mention 2x hari yang berlainan cakap saya marah dia ee pebendaaaaa

Lepastu I cakap lah kat Hafiz, "Sekarang awak takut saya lagi ke?"

And he went silent 😒 Then he was like, "Adalah sikit."

And then Azzam was like, "Aida, kau tak nampak ke tangan dia terketar ketar nak makan roti pun tak tenang kau tanya macam tu."

Tbh I personally think I'm not garang at all. Memanglah I tegas, tapi tegas isn't garang. I tak marah marah orang pun. 

With girls, I can safely say yang I tak garang langsung T_T I'm very clingy and manja with my girl friends. But with boys, maybe I'm a little tegas, tapi I tak naik suara with them pun. Paling paling kalau species kuat tease macam Ali tu, aku jeling je. Aku tak cakap pape pun. 

Pernah sehari tu, Ali sengaja langgar kerusi I tengah duduk, then I turned to him without saying anything. And Aini was like, "OMG garangnya Aida, dia jeling je wehhhh!!!"

Yea, I may be smol, but you shouldn't mess with me.

Btw, Mimi picked me as the ward leader for 5C. And turned out Masyi approached Faten to be the next leader for surgery.

Honestly, it's unfair bcs if that's so, both leaders will be from 4C. Again. Which is so unfair and annoying.

Tapi sebab Faten is my best friend, and I know that she won't do any injustice (sebab kawan tu sangat jujur, telus, dan baik), so I'm not really worried.

Faten was worried nanti dia tak reti nak reject seniors punya request. Esp since nanti yang akan masuk will be 4th and 5th posters. Semua senior weh T_T Faten pula jenis baik sangat T_T masa medical tu, aku yang geram tengok sone request macam macam, siap ugut nak MC kalau tak grantkan request dia.

Tapi so far, sone tak berani lah dengan aku. And Faten was like, siapa je berani dengan awak, Aida 😂

And then, I was like, "takpe Faten, nanti saya bagi aura garang saya kat awak."

And she was like, ya, dia kena belajar jadi garang.

Hence, the conversation kat atas lol lawak tau sebab dia kata dia takut saya kalau marah HAHAHAHA aku jarang jarang je marah HAHAHAHA paling paling, kalau marah masa oncall, aku nangis je T_T gue cengeng sebenarnya T_T

And she was like, mesti orang ramai benci saya nanti. Awak jangan tinggalkan saya tau Aida.

NO WORRIES, I WON'T LEAVE HER ALONE!

WILL PROTECT FATEN AT ALL COSTS!

Even Ali pun kata I garang, sebab tu dalam top 3 list takleh sakat banyak kali. Ali ni sebenarnya garang jugak, so bila Ali kata I garang, sebenarnya aku percaya je. Sebab tak logic en orang yang garang kata aku garang :/ Dahlah Ali :/

Ali memang obv lah, paling paling dia akan tease sekali dua, lepastu kalau I tak layan, dia biar je. Kalau I senyap, dia akan biar je. 

Untuk Ali yang selalu gaduh dengan orang, I really appreciate the fact that dia tak cari pasal dengan saya, dan dia tak pernah gaduh dengan saya.

Because only God knows what will happen if we argue T_T Mesti perang wehhh aku dengan Ali memang dua dua ego tinggi, tapi Ali jenis akan minta maaf kalau dia tahu dia salah.

Dan saya tahu saya jarang salah. <-- Atifah kata hahahaha saya memang takkan minta maaf lol

Umar pun sebenarnya takut aku juga, tapi so far aku tak pernah marah dia teruk teruk lagi. Aku tegas je. Tapi rasanya tak lama lagi, aku akan meletop dan marah dia, dan jadi toxic dengan dia.

I hope the day won't come tho bcs gurllll, aku tahu aku uncontrollable kalau marah T_T

Hm tu je lah kot setakat ni.

Mungkin saya single lagi sampai sekarang sebab saya garang.

Tapi takpelah.

The right person will find me cute and will find it charming. 

And if the person exists, then I'll be glad I never change myself.

That's all!

Labels: HOship, myself

Mistakes

Monday, February 3, 2025 | 1:15 PM | 0 comments

I know it's nothing. 

Not taking blood c+s before starting any abx won't kill the pt. 

But I'm sad. 

It's probably too obvious that I'm sad bcs dr was like, "takpe awak jangan sedih, cuma next time awak kena ambil blood c+s before starting any abx." 

Hm.

Sepatutnya harini buat offtag assessment with Dr Sy but then he was actually on a break today so yea fml :')

Esok oncall pulak despite I haven't done the offtag assessment :')

Okay tu je. 

On a side note, Aida, you don't have to be so hard on yourself. 

If this happens to someone else, I know you'd say things like, "it's okay, it's out of your control." 

And this, my girl, is out of your control.

Things happened. 

It's okay. You live up to your mistakes. You own them and it's okay. 

You admit that you made a mistake and move on. 

Get your shit together. 

Don't waste today being sad. It's your only day off for the week! 

You got this, Aida. 

I believe in you. 

No worries ❤️

Labels: HOship, medical

O&G Rants

Friday, January 17, 2025 | 4:58 PM | 0 comments

The day is finally here!

Today marks my last day in O&G department! 

Okay, basically, last Tuesday (14/1/25) was my real last working day in O&G.

All in all, I'd personally rate O&G a solid 8/10

Okay, it's quite generous now that I think about it. But it deserves an 8. 

Hear me out.

It's not as bad as I thought it'd be.

I chose O&G as my first posting so that I'd have a high threshold for people's scolding. But apparently, my threshold was high from the very beginning lol.

So far, I have never cried from doctor's scolding (surprisingly) (or not). But to be fair, I have never been scolded that bad in the dept. Yes, I was being shouted at once, not long after off-tagging, by a malignant MO, but it wasn't my fault. It was her projecting her sad misery life onto me. I simply did my job. She was shouting at me about how I didn't know how assess the pt's pain score, but well, well, she couldn't even assess the pain score either. What a clown. 

And on my last day, I entered an EMLSCS for fetal distress with her and holy crap, it was a -9999 experience because she said I was a disappointment. In my defense, her steps were way too different from other doctors. I didn't know what she wanted, and she was picky as hell. Yes, I probably didn't perform as great as usual bcs I hadn't entered the OT for sooo long, but tbh, I didn't perform that bad. Her techniques were just different and that's it.

Now, adding up to the bad side of the department...

Let's see...

The doctors are okay, surprisingly. Some are unfortunately kinda malignant. But most of them are nice, especially the guys. As for the ladies, they are emotionally-driven. In other words, sometimes they're okay, and sometimes they're not. But they are bearable tbh.

On my first day, I was told that my first day would define how I see O&G in general.

Honestly, my first day in O&G was amazing as hell!

I was taught by 3 cool senior HOs, and 2 nice MOs (Dr A and Dr D). I was the only girl at low risk that day. And I'm so glad to be stationed at low risk first with those wonderful people. They really helped me a lot.

Of course I didn't end up seeing O&G amazing as hell, but it was great.

I managed to put on a full-face make-up every day.

That reflects how comfortable I was in the dept, yeah?

Certain doctors would point out at my makeup (some in a good way, and some in a sarcastic way). Dr NA would always puji me and say how rajin I was for putting on makeup, how good I looked post-call, how intact I looked with makeup on.

And my patients and SNs- they'd always puji me as well. One SN in 1B even looked at my face carefully and be like, "Dr harini pakai makeup warna apa? Pink juga eh? Saya suka tengok." She was pregnant hehe

Tbh, make-up was the only thing that made me feel alive.

That's why I couldn't give it up.

And my skin was breaking out in O&G. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was so sad tbh. My period became irregular. It was so sad. I was probably more stressed out than I thought I was. 

But anyway, I love the teamwork here. I love how we work together as a team for our patients.

Most patients won't feel anything when I did VE on them, and it was such a nice feeling, knowing that I didn't cause any pain to them.

And I know most doctors like working with me because I didn't talk a lot, I did my job as I was supposed to, and I wasn't problematic at all.

It was kinda obvious how some doctors would prefer me over other people to do the job, and they were a lot nicer to me compared to other people.

Now that I think about this, I honestly can't come up with anything I truly like in O&G. 

Maybe I find it bearable because I'm familiar with it, not because I truly enjoy the dept.

And I realized that joining all those co-curricular activities back in uni really helped developed my working etiquettes. 

Some doctors didn't even know I was a first poster until I told them :') Even fellow HOs (the one that entered the dept when I was alrd 2 months in) thought I was a second / third poster.

I'm not sure if I have a lot more to write, but I'll update along the way, whenever I remember something.

In the meantime, let me upload some pictures throughout the posting that I have in my new phone.

The pictures are not in order because I'm so lazy to arrange them.

Mirror selfie because I needed it :') I was the 2nd overlap that day, and I entered to many OTs grr

Me giving Faten some emotional support and kinda LLB while Rem was busy taking care of the red alert pt :') Faten was waiting for the red alert pt at that time. 

Faten picking me up from LR on my last post-call bcs the malignant sp M was there and the MO hadn't round the postnatal pts yet

Last oncall <3 Lurve! First oncall yang boleh tidur nyenyak 2 jam ya, memang tak sedar apa apa langsung except my alarm

Postcall tapi round round ACC building sebab tunggu pukul 11 nak hantar logbook

Selfie satuu. Ni nampaklah muka postcall sebab I malas nak pakai selain concealer and a lil bit of lipstick

Ni macam masa awal awal oncall last tu kot lol happy semacam, but did end up really happy sebab boleh tidur hehe

Look at how empty it was!

Postcall 1B, Afnan belanja us pizza and brought us to his house. Turned out we're kinda neighbors lol I can walk to his house and vice versa

31st December 2024!

Oncall 1st Jan 2025 with the total black flag 👎 I was basically doing the MO job urgh and the SNs really be calling me 'tangan magic' bcs pt pt I VE semua os fully malam tu lol and they labelled me jonah bcs I put on makeup hahaha they said, "tu lah, dr comel sangat, kan dah jonah." Tu ayat sebiji akak akak 1A dengan HRLR cakap masa i oncall HRLR/1A dengan Dr A :')

Mirror selfie kat rumah Afnan

Macam biasa, selfie dulu, si MOT dan overlap OT / gynae OT 😂

Faten kata kena suka OT, baru lah tak 'bestie' sangat dengan OT. Masalahnya, I memang tak suka OT T_T Yang lawaknya, Faten belum masuk OT, I dah masuk OT dulu for gynae OT lol 🤡

After PMR! PMR paling sejuk ya, memang tak kena serang pun hehe lurveeee 💓 Sampai Dr D tanya kita buat macam mana sampai sejuk sangat PMR ni lol

Jamuan 1B December sempena habis station hehe ward round hari hari tak stressful pun sebab dr dr chill je

Oncall 1B with ??? Rem kot? 

Last day in O&G! Wore blue supaya sejuk, rupanya tidak sejuk hahahahaha kena hadap shit postnatal, ada 2 hypertensive crisis, M marah marah, lahh kena call 2nd overlap for fetal distress pulek 🤡

Kerja hakiki jkjk kerja yang bazir masa tapi tambah steps setiap hari

After my last OT in O&G hehe tudung masuk dalam baju sebab Dr Mu ajar macam tu. Dr lain takde pun letak tudung dalam baju, tapi tu lah, i dah biasa style Mu sebab sebulan masuk OT dengan dia.

Kita keluarkan tudung jap lah supaya boleh post gambar kat ig hehe

Harta karun paling mahal kahkah

Bertukar orang dah belakang tu lol

Done with O&G for real, alhamdulillah 💖

Settled logbook, punch card etc with my fav partner-in-crime!

Ada lah satu dua gambar kat low risk :')

Punch card yang dah penuh ehek

Jamuan pt 1

Jamuan pt 2

Jamuan pt 3

Alright! That's all for the time being.

I'm pretty sure I have a lot more to write but I'm running out of time bcs tomorrow marks my first day in medical dept! I'm so scared and nervous!

I hope everything will go well, insyaAllah.

Bye! See you soon!

Labels: diary, HOship, O&G