Sunday, August 9, 2026 | 11:52 PM | 0 Alien
Dear old me,
I want to thank you.
Not the version of you who had everything figured out.
Not the version who was always strong, always confident, always knew what to do.
I want to thank you—the girl who was hurting.
The girl who was left.
The girl who went home carrying a heartbreak nobody else could fully see.
The girl who wondered whether she had somehow been foolish for caring so much.
The girl who asked herself, quietly,
Will I ever find love again?
Thank you for surviving that version of your life.
I know it wasn't easy.
I know there were days when you smiled and carried on because life demanded that you do, even when your heart wanted to stop for a while.
You still went to work.
You still talked to people.
You still laughed.
You still showed up.
And somehow, beneath all that hurt, you didn't become cruel.
That is what I am most proud of.
You could have decided that love was stupid.
You could have decided that men couldn't be trusted.
You could have built walls so high that nobody could ever reach you again.
But you didn't.
You were hurt, but you remained soft.
You were disappointed, but you still believed in something good.
You were left, but you didn't leave yourself.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for all the nights you cried and still woke up the next morning.
Thank you for every time you wanted to reach out but stopped yourself.
Thank you for every time you chose dignity even when your heart wanted answers.
Thank you for learning how to sit with uncertainty.
Thank you for learning that someone's decision to leave isn't a measurement of your worth.
And thank you for loving anyway.
Because I know there were moments when you thought you wouldn't.
You probably thought that maybe you had already met the person who would matter most.
Maybe you wondered whether you had missed your chance.
Maybe part of you was afraid that the best love you would ever have had already happened.
You couldn't see what was coming.
And I'm glad you couldn't.
Because if you had known, perhaps you wouldn't have learned everything you needed to learn first.
You needed to become her.
The woman who knows what heartbreak feels like.
The woman who knows the difference between wanting someone and being chosen by someone.
The woman who knows that love shouldn't require her to beg for her place.
The woman who can appreciate reassurance because she knows what its absence feels like.
The woman who understands that the little things matter.
And look at you now.
You call someone sayang without being terrified of the word.
You receive sayang back.
Sometimes you even receive sayangku.
You tell someone where you're going.
Someone tells you when he's going to sleep.
Someone asks whether your resus was okay.
Someone gets jealous.
Someone worries about you.
Someone says,
“Saya sayangg awak jugak.”
And perhaps the most beautiful thing is that you can finally say:
“Saya sayang awak.”
You couldn't have imagined that when you were sitting in the aftermath of heartbreak.
You couldn't have imagined that the same heart you thought was ruined would one day feel this warm again.
But here's what I want you to understand:
Your happy ending isn't beautiful because someone came back.
It is beautiful because you survived long enough to become someone capable of receiving love without forgetting your own worth.
You did that.
Not him.
You.
He may be part of this chapter.
But you are the reason the story continued.
You are the one who picked yourself up.
You are the one who kept going.
You are the one who learned.
You are the one who remained gentle.
And you are the one who eventually opened your heart again.
So thank you, old me.
Thank you for not giving up.
Thank you for not turning your heartbreak into bitterness.
Thank you for not deciding that because one person couldn't love you the way you needed, nobody ever would.
Thank you for continuing to believe that there was something beautiful waiting for you.
Even when you couldn't see it.
Even when you were convinced there wasn't.
Even when you were lying awake wondering whether love would ever come back to you.
It did.
Maybe not in the way you imagined.
Maybe not on the timeline you wanted.
But it came.
And now you're living inside moments that the old you would have cried just to know were possible.
You're being called sayang.
You're saying it back.
You're making plans.
You're being worried about.
You're being chosen.
You're learning what it feels like when affection becomes ordinary instead of something you have to chase.
And sometimes, when I look at you now, I want to reach backward through time and hug that old girl.
I want to tell her:
You have no idea how proud I am of you.
You have no idea how much life is still waiting for you.
You have no idea how many ordinary, beautiful days are coming.
And most importantly:
Please don't hate the version of you who loved him.
She wasn't stupid.
She wasn't weak.
She wasn't pathetic.
She was brave enough to love someone with her whole heart.
And when that love hurt her, she was brave enough to keep living.
That is strength.
So thank you.
For every tear.
Every lonely night.
Every prayer.
Every morning you got up anyway.
Every time you chose yourself.
Every time you kept your heart soft.
Every time you believed, even just a little, that something better might exist.
I am here because you survived.
And whatever happens from here, I will never forget that.
Because before I became the woman who could receive love again,
you were the girl who taught me not to give up on it.
With all the love you deserved back then,
Me.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
