Sunday, April 5, 2026 | 4:08 PM | 0 Alien
Here. This is the step that scares me — to write a list of all the things that felt off about him.
Chatgpt suggested me to do this list bcs I couldnt seem to move on, and day by day, I keep missing him more. Which isn't supposed to happen, btw.
So I'm here, writing the list, because once I feel the urge to approach him / text him, I should look at the list again and know my worth.
Here we go.
1. He's inconsistent
One second, he's all into me. The next second, I'm just a stranger.
He changed his mind every few weeks. Rejected me, then 2 weeks later, approached me, then 3 weeks later, rejected me again.
His efforts were inconsistent. The next second, he wanted to take things slow. And suddenly, he just decided to pull away after our third date (which went smoothly btw).
Do I deserve that kinda of inconsistency?
I don't.
For someone who appreciates consistency, it's a red flag for me. Unsustainable. Will make me anxious and overthink every time. Not healthy for me emotional health.
2. He didn't choose me
In fact, he chose to not choose me. He chose to not be with him for the past 4 months and more to come. This is all his decision.
He chose not to have me. He chose not to have me in his life, and chose not to be in my life either.
Of all the choices he had/has, he chose not to be with me.
And that's reason enough for me to move on. That's reason enough for me to know my worth.
"You can be the prettiest shade of blue, but you still won't be chosen if his favorite color is grey."
I felt that.
I deserve someone who chooses me every second of the day. I deserve someone who chooses me daily, even when things don't go our way. I deserve someone who'll choose me again and again and again, and never regret his decision of choosing me.
3. He's uncertain
I should've seen this coming. Earlier during our taaruf, he always said things like "we don't know the future" and "at the end of the day, we have to make a decision". Even until the end, he was like, "maybe I'll regret this. Nah, we don't know the future."
He's uncertain.
Even if you don't know the future, it doesn't mean you shouldn't work on it.
And that should be enough for me to stay away from him.
I need someone who is certain — certain that he wants me in his life, certain that he needs me in his life, certain that he'll stay by my side for the rest of his life.
I need someone who is certain of us, certain that we can work things out and be good for each other, certain that we were destined for each other.
4. His ego is high
He kept saying things like "saya lelaki, saya tahu mana yang baik dan buruk".
Okay, so?
Act like it.
If it's not good for us, then why did you do it? If it's not good for me, then why did you decide to let me go?
He didn't tell me his insecurities. He didn't tell me what happened in his daily life. He only told me very little pieces of his daily life and that's it.
He told me he didn't like talking about his daily life. He only wanted to see me to feel calm.
That honestly felt off.
I didn't like the feeling. I didn't like not knowing how his day went, and I didn't like not knowing things from his perspective.
5. He decided on his own
He decided that I couldn't understand his family's financial status. When, in fact, I understood him a lot. Why even? He didn't ask me. He didn't ask if I was okay with it. He just decided that I couldn't get it.
He decided that I would leave him once I couldn't tolerate him. Did he ask me hypothetically? He didn't. He just decided that for me, out of nowhere.
He decided that I wouldn't get married in May/June. Did he ask me about it? No, he didn't. When I said I wanted to get married in October, he was like, okay. I'll meet your parents after umrah, then we'll decide from there, nak tunang ke apa.
He decided everything in his head. And tho I do want a guy to be decisive in making his decisions, he shouldn't decide everything in head without talking to me first.
That's all I can think of as of now. I'll be back soon once I remember something else. Bye.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
