Saturday, December 13, 2025 | 6:48 PM | 0 Alien
Tell me, really, how do I get rid of this pain? I overthink, and I told him. I said, "can you at least give me an emoji every day so that I know you're not moving on?"
Atifah suggested it. She said it's the bare minimum — to give me an emoji whenever he thinks of me. To give me some kind of reassurance that he's there, tho away, but he's there.
So I told him. Even if I personally find it weird and a bit too clingy, I still texted him that. I swallowed my ego and texted him that.
But the only reply I received was "doa jee aidaa."
That's easy for you to say. You're the one who decided to cut contact with each other. You're the one who wanted it.
He said he's also overthinking, but he didnt reply me when I asked why.
I mean, he decided it. He's the captain of the ship and he steered the ship southward. I'm only the passenger. There's nothing much I can do about it.
But the thing is, it's only around a month into the relationship. Why is he so quick to change his mind? Is he falling out of love? Is he bored of me? Am I too easy that he thinks it's easy to treat me however the fuck he wants? Is he getting some sudden realization that I'm not the person he wants in life? Am I too boring?
I don't know. There are soo many questions I don't have the answer to, and I'm afraid to ask him those questions.
I think it's cruel how he makes me so attached to him, how he texts me every day, confessing his love towards me, saying he'll make me happy from now on, and like, just a few weeks after, he's taking it all back.
He decides that it's best to limit our communication, that it's best if we just pray and hope for the best.
Is that, really, the best decision?
Maybe he's falling out of love.
But I'm afraid I'll be cold towards him. I'm afraid I'll decide that I'm better off alone. I'm afraid my heart gets numb and I don't want him anymore.
And knowing me, it's 100% possible. Even Atifah said so.
I feel like a fool now.
It's funny how he makes me so happy for the past one month and then in a blink of an eye, when I'm so attached to him, he decides to drop the b*mb and limit our communication. He steals all my happiness away I can barely breathe. I can barely read any of those sad breakup quotes and not tear up.
I know happiness is fleeting. But it's too soon.
He should've picked a better time. He should've let me live in happiness for a while. He should've let me enjoy the date yesterday.
At this point, I think yesterday was our last date. I can see the end sooner or later, now that he's also overthinking things. Maybe he's second-guessing everything as well. Maybe he's now realized that I'm not the additional person he wants in his life.
This hurts more than the rejection the first time. This hurts more because he gave me the happiness, he made me spend so much time for him and with him and talking about him, and now he's taking my happiness away.
I can barely smile today, it hurts. It hurts that a guy makes me feel this shitty. It hurts that he's the one who makes me feel this way, when he said he'll make me happy from the day onwards.
Maybe it's true. Words from guys mean nothing. They don't carry any truth in them. Maybe he didn't mean anything he said.
Idk if it's my pms talking. I hope it's my pms talking.
Idk.
I'm sad, and I don't feel good.
Maybe the end is near.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
