I'm in my resentment phase.
I hate how his friend Ali wanted to pity me over nothing. I posted a picture of a scenery because in my prev status of pasillo cafe, I said I loved the ambience. Hence, I posted the picture of the ambience on my status.
Then, this stupid b decided to reply with "deep". I asked, apa yang deep?
He replied, "Metafora. Deep."
I get it. He was implying that the rainy weather was my heart.
He probably pitied me bcs "oohh poor aida is now all heartbroken because she got rejected by her crush twice."
Honestly, it's so unnecessary for him to pity me.
He must've been the one to support Daus, obv, because he was the only one who knew about us. Because if he didn't support the man, the man would've come to his sense and idk work on the relationship, rather than bailing out.
He was the one to say, "jangan lama lama dengan Aida, Daus."
Well, yes, Daus did all the thinking. But he should've slapped some sense into him.
But you know what, whatever.
This just shows that Daus is not ready yet. He is not ready and he doesn't have the confidence to lead me. He's impulsive and he can't think straight. He keeps changing his thoughts every 2 weeks and he doesn't deserve my heart.
"Dia tak deserve hati awak yang tetap." -- Atifah
Honestly, he really doesn't deserve my heart. He doesn't deserve this soft spot I have for him.
Faten kata dia sedih baca ayat saya. Dia rasa saya matang, tenang, dan pandai ketepikan ego dan emosi saya. Dia kata dia nampak saya sangaaaaaat lembut when it comes to him. Saya cakap lembut dan baik je dengan dia, something yang lelaki lain tak dapat tengok pun.
Tbh saya sedih juga.
Tapi sekarang saya marah. Saya tak faham kenapa Ali yang tak pernah sibuk sibuk pasal aku sibuk nak kesiankan aku sekarang.
Kawan kau yang reject aku. Kawan kau yang perasaan tu berbolak-balik macam lalang. Kawan kau tu yang impulsive.
Tapi ya lah kawan kau juga yang aku suka dulu (dan sekarang tapi sekarang dah kurang sikit).
Tiba tiba masa tengah tengok kat tab favorites, scroll je lah, ada nama dia. Dia tengah typing as I'm writing this. Daripada pukul 11.14 lagi typing sampai sekarang. Idk dia nak type apa.
Either dia nak kata "let's block each other" or "saya minta maaf" or "saya menyesal" or "tolong jangan buat status yang awak patah hati, nanti kawan kawan awak salahkan saya."
Tah lah.
I can't read him at all.
But my heart is beating fast and I'm trembling a bit, and I hate how my body reacts to him.
It's 11.31 now. He still hasn't sent the text yet, tapi Atifah kata, jangan baik sangat. Okay, noted.
Aida Sabrina, you're a nice person, but don't be soft. Don't. Keep your chin up. Keep your head up high. Don't let tears fall because of him again. You're a woman of honor. You need to have some self-respect. If he decides to send the message, don't reply to him straightaway. Take your time. Take your time to breathe, to take some deeeeeeep breaths and clear your mind.
What he'll text might break you more. At this point, everything related to him will break you more.
So be tough. Have some self-respect and pack your things and go.
You may wanna stay, you may wanna change your mind and take him back, but he's impulsive. He's gonna break you again soon, once he changes his mind in a few days. And next time, it'll hurt a lot more than it does this time.
So, no. Don't be soft.
I know you're secretly hoping for him to feel your presence and change his mind. I know you're eager to know what he's typing for the past 20 mins. But trust me, your shattered heart is already in pieces. You can't let him into your life that easily again.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
