Monday, December 15, 2025 | 1:03 AM | 0 Alien
Hi.I'm back.
With a shattered heart.
I'm honestly trembling as I'm typing this out, but I need to sort my thoughts out.
I'm still trembling.
But I'm so proud of you, Aida Sabrina. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for being mature, for accepting and respecting his decision.
I've learned a lot about myself tonight.
1. I don't handle rejection too well. My body trembles a lot.
2. I can be level-headed. Wow, surprise surprise.
3. I don't explain a lot when I know the end is near. I won't swallow my pride and explain everything, especially when he doesn't ask for an explanation.
4. New trauma unlocked: liking someone :)
It's honestly a bit funny (in the saddest way possible btw) that I get rejected by the same person twice.
How is it possible that I'm allowing a person to reject me twice, in 2 consecutive months? That's just so pathetic!
First of all, out of all things, I have never thought I would be rejected for my 'religion'. That my understanding of religion is different from his. How different is different? I don't know. He never explains.
I remember saying smth like "Agama ni simple. If it's good for you by logic, then it's okay in Islam. If not, then obv it's not permissible in Islam." I said this after he was shocked knowing I didn't know kena cari lelaki yang macam mana dalam islam. Perempuan, ya, kena cari 4 benda, tapi dia cakap, pilihlah agama. No wonder lah dia cakap macam tu. Mungkin dia rasa agama aku tak cukup. Mungkin aku liberal sikit.
Second of all, he used the reason "awak strict in your decisions." I told him beforehand. Everyone around me knows the fact very well. I am strict. Tak pernah sorang pun kata I tak strict. I memang tegas. Dan dia kata dia banyak kekurangan. And he said, dia sedih / takut I akan tinggalkan dia bila I tak boleh tolerate dengan dia bila duduk sekali nanti.
It was so funny, btw, bcs he fucking convinced me he wouldn't be the one to leave me.
Look at us now. Look around.
Who's leaving who?
Third of all, he said "saya takde reason untuk teruskan."
That was my last straw.
There was no more holding onto an invisible string.
I'm letting go.
If he loves me enough, if he sayang me enough, that's reason enough to stay, to be the reason for us to at least try to work things out.
He decides everything on his own, and it's okay.
Thank God I memang OL esok. Mungkin it has been fated from the very beginning that this will end today, 14/12/25, 5 days before our taaruf monthsary, the day I turned 26 years 7 months.
Thank you for these past few weeks. We shared a cake, but that didn't bother you. That wasn't meaningful to you. Maybe it was farewell cake :)
I was such a fool to believe that there will be a next (4th) date. Funny me. Foolish me.
It's a lesson to learn.
Let's not like anyone now, thank you.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
