Tuesday, December 30, 2025 | 10:49 AM | 0 Alien
The downfall of my life started on 14th December 2025. From there, everything started going downhill.
I became sick with infective AGE (I still think it's food poisoning) later that weekend, extending into the next week. I had to take 3 mcs in a row, followed by an oncall, followed by another 2 days of OL (planned).
Everyone was worried about me.
When I went back to work last night, everyone was like "OMG AIDA YOU'RE BACK! ARE YOU HEALTHY NOW?"
SN pun tanya, "Dr okay tak? Dah sihat betul ke?"
Athirah cakap, "kan kak, lama betul dia cuti sakit."
But they didn't know I actually went to Batam for the past 3 days hehe
Anyway, I kept thinking about him while I was in Batam. It's honestly so sad, because man had moved on with his life. He was happy attending his friend's wedding. He didn't text me at all. He didn't ask how I'm doing despite I'm pretty sure he knows I was not doing well.
And instead of him, this Fitri Azim guy was the one who texted me, who kept checking up on me.
"Are you getting better?"
"How are you feeling?"
Did I tell you that he asked me a day after Daus broke things off. He asked, "awak still berkenalan dengan orang tu ke?" I said no, and he said, "then, izinkan saya untuk mencelah semula."
Even Atifah rasa lelaki ni mantap. Consistent. Sentiasa nak try saya. Cuma saya tak sure dia serious ke main-main. Atifah pun tak bagi layan sangat, dia tak nak fitri ni jadi rebound saya. But ofc not :') I knew better :') I can't move on that fast, even if I want to, so desperately.
But at times, I do resent him a lot. Daus, I mean. All of things won't happen if he didn't act like shit. If he just decided to stop at the first rejection, life would be much much better. At least I wouldn't dare to picture a future with him. But he decided that the first rejection wasn't enough, he wanted to reject me twice, and cruelly this time, because he gave me hopes for the future and he took everything back in a blink of an eye.
He made me send him songs that remind me of him.
One in a million by Hannah Montana. Gravity by fifty fifty. Bergema selamanya.
I felt like a fool. I still feel like a fool for being so in love with him, for being so easy, for falling into his sweet lies.
I know I just need some time and space.
It's been 2 weeks now. I feel better, I am. But I still feel like I'm not fully awake from the dream-turned-nightmare. I probably need something to wake me up for real. Something to make me feel like, yeah, it's over, you can wake up from the nightmare now, it's okay.
I need that. Anything, really.
But I'm standing up now. I'm standing up for myself.
I am strong.
I deserve someone better.
I deserve a better person.
I deserve someone who will choose me every second of the day, who will stand by me, who will cherish me through my ups and downs.
At least, I deserve to be on my side today and always.
Let's move on, Aida. You don't need him. He's happier now without you. And you can be happy too, without him. You can.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
