Monday, December 15, 2025 | 4:16 PM | 0 Alien
Found this the first thing in the morning. I wanted it to work out so bad that I postponed praying istikharah. But once I did, only once, and here's the result. Me being heartbroken. It hasn't even been 5 days since I did my istikharah ha ha.
God had planned it in the way that I have actually asked for the OL a week earlier.
But I do believe that it's for the best. No more tears today. It's called accepting and letting go.
Maybe there's a delay because He wants me to be the best version of myself before I finally meet someone meant for me.
I think I'm hurt mostly because he keeps making promises. He promises the future for me, and then he takes everything back. Turns out he doesn't mean any of those words.
He's changed out of the sudden.
For someone who values consistency, his change is a sign of red flag. I ain't staying anyway.
It's not even a month yet, but he's already changing his thoughts a few times. I can't stay in a relationship where the other person keeps changing his mind every 1-2 business days. I need consistency. I need someone who can offer me some emotional stability. I need consistency.
And he certainly can't give me any of that.
Qistina kata I need to find someone who's a bit chill, who doesn't have a strong personality as well. Someone who can lead in certain areas, but most of the time, he's chill. But I don't want to lead most of the time. I don't want to use my brain.
Hence, I used to think he was good for me. Because he used his brain (not fully I guess now), when I didn't wanna use mine.
But yes, like the picture above, I want a man who stays grounded when I'm spiraling. I want a man who breathes when I tremble. I want a man who thinks straight when my mind is in the shambles.
Those are not him, apparently.
I deserve better. I deserve someone who chooses me over and over again. I deserve someone who puts all his efforts and treats me like they've been waiting for me all their life. I deserve someone who wants me.
He knows I'll be sad. He knows I'm disappointed in his decision. Hence, his sentence was "Saya betul betul minta maaf. Tolong jadi kuat dan move on."
You don't have to apologize if you don't mean it, Daus. Just like how you hate the phrase because people are never truly sorry for what they did, then don't be sorry. You're not sorry. Because if you're sorry, you won't do it. You would be begging for me to stay. You would try again. You would give us another shot.
But you didn't.
So, no, you're not sorry.
And I'm letting you go now.
I may be sad. I may be disappointed in how it turned out. But I'm not sorry. I didn't nothing wrong. I've accepted your decision and I won't look back. I won't.
I know that there is a small possibility that I would be soft and accept you again if you decide to turn around and beg for me. But I hope that's not the case, because I don't wanna be the fool. I don't wanna let myself be played again. I don't wanna be in love with the wrong person again.
Even if in my heart, you're still the right person...
But I know you're not.
Because if you are, you won't treat me this way. You won't hurt me like this. You won't be this cruel.
So it's fine. I'm letting you go now. Go, like the rain. Go. Find whatever you wanna find.
But I hope you'll feel my absence so bad you keep thinking about me. I hope you'll regret your decision soon. I hope you'll realize how stupid you are for deciding on your own. I hope you'll regret turning me down after I opened up to you, after I said "For once, I've found someone I want in my future. For once, I've found someone that I'm willing to tolerate with in life." It's a confession yet you don't appreciate it. You bat an eye and you turned me down. You let me down. I'm very very very disappointed in you, Muhammad Firdaus.
Go figure yourself out first, because while I'm now a whole, you're just fragments of yourself.
We're not meant to be.
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
