Hi, we meet again, unfortunately.
I'm here to rant, again, as usual.
This is my only safe place. I love ranting here, bcs my future self can read it and think, "oh so I was thinking abt this."
Honestly, I hate the fact that I keep coming back here to rant about love. I should've ranted about work. Yea, that sounds about right. But instead of ranting about work, I rant about love.
As for work, I'm currently in my second week in neonates, and so far, I'm enjoying it a little too much than I expected. Tbh I thought the posting would be so annoying, not fun, and dreadful. But so far, I'm enjoying it. So I hope this feeling isn't fleeting. I hope it stays. I hope I'll find joy in neonates.
Okay, talking about love, again...
Inas got married!
Finally!
I'm so happy for her!
Now I'm left with Atifah, alone, single, but quite happy. It's just that I know I'd feel left out once Atifah finds someone she loves. And as for a person as nice as Atifah, I think she'll find someone real soon.
As for me, haih... *long sigh*
I wish I can meet someone serious about getting to know me. I wish I can meet someone who's so ready for marriage-- who'd meet my parents straightaway and tell them he wanna get to know me better. I wish I can find a person who wants to become my husband, who is eager to be bearing the responsibilities of a husband, someone who can take really good care of me. I really do wish I can meet someone like that.
But ofc, most importantly, I wish to find someone who's soft-spoken, a nice leader (at least someone who can lead), and someone responsible.
Talking about these qualities, I recently worked with the guy who rejected me, A**b. It was our first time working together after yearsssss. Tbh, it was so awkward. We didn't really talk except for job-related. He didn't crack jokes with me. He didn't talk about random things. We weren't like before. He felt distant. It was as if we never knew each other. It was as if we never worked together for the past 5 years. And then Atifah came and lightened up the mood. Then only he started talking to me like the old days.
I think maybe he felt a bit awkward with me, regarding the issue. Totally understandable. But I didn't like him that way. I didn't like him the way I liked A***l. I didn't like him the way I like *******. No past tense, because I still like the guy.
Talking about the guy, here we go again. My main problem is that I'll always fall for him whenver I work with him. And that'll happen every 4 months. Each posting, every time. Started from O&G, to medical, to surgical, and now, neonates. But the main problem is, I like him hard. I like him a lot. I think he probably knows. But let's be honest here, he's always admirable when it comes to work. I always find him nice to be working together. And for the record, he was the first ever guy who made me surprised with his working ethics.
That man is no joke, I'm telling you fr.
He works fast. He's optimistic (even more than me, which is crazy btw). So that makes every single sense in my brain that I'll definitely fall for him over and over again. And I did, btw.
But Atifah always tells me, "dia jenis macam tak nak ada orang lah." True. He does look that way. But I don't like the fact that she assumes. I mean, I look like I'm the type to reject 1838392911 people. But I'm not that kind of person. So you shouldn't assume.
Even Ali was implying things like I'm the type to reject people (for their appearance, some more! How offensive!) and he asked, "awak pernah ke approach orang?" HAHA :') Dah pernah approach, dah pernah kena reject. Tapi betul je tbh, memang patut reject. Now that I've seen how he (A**b) acts with other people, I just knew he's not my type. He's soft-spoken to me, but not to other people. He's too proper with me, that I probably mistook it as him being soft-spoken.
If you were me, would you like me?
I've questioned myself. Somehow, the first answer was a "no"
No, I don't want someone who's too strict. I don't want someone who knows no rest.
I don't want someone who speaks her mind too much.
But I think about it again and again. And surprisingly, it was a big fat "YES!"
Yes, I want someone who's strict, so that I won't be too laid back.
Yes, I want someone who's committed to her work and responsibilities. That way, I know she won't take the responsibilities she'll bear in the family lightly. That way, I know the family is in good hands.
And yes, I want a person who communicates well. I want a person who says what she feels, to be transparent with her feelings, so that I don't have to figure out the unspoken things and assume things.
So yes, if I were you, I'd like me.
And if no one in this world ends up liking me, I guess I can start by liking myself.
Okay, I'm soooo sleepy. Bye! See you next time! Hopefully with some better news ha ha if not then takpelah.
Dear Spring,
I hope you'll be well. Take care.
Till next time.
Labels: diary, love rants
Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
