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Thursday, April 24, 2014 | 10:10 PM | 0 Alien
Don't hope, cause when you hope, you put yourself up to be broken.
This saying keeps on lingering in my mind and I've always thought I'd write it in my Strangled in Fates. It is magical, it stops me from daydreaming, it keeps me awake, it shows me how far I am from him. I should never hope that he doesn't have a crush, I should never have. Because it hurts, it freaking hurts when there are possibilities that he alrd had a crush and whatsoever.
Today, I ask myself what if he has a crush already.
And yesterday, too. I was looking at him smiling and the thought suddenly rushed through my mind. It was stupid, I tried to shrug it off, I tried to let the thought go, just go away, out of my mind, but then, I just had to accept that it was possible for him to have a crush. It was really possible.
Aina suddenly told me that she had a feeling he alrd had a crush and again it hit me, right across my mind. Stupid, my heart uttered, and I was in verge of tears. He was absent and I missed him. I seriously had no mood earlier this day.
I just had to face the possibilities, I knew it. I kept on asking my friends the question, what if Owl has a crush? And they were all like, yeah, I think he has a crush alrd and so on and I was like, I thought the same too. And deep deep deep down my heart, there was this little hope that we were all wrong.
But again, I shouldn't hope, not in this crush thingy. Love isn't something you can force. Feelings are not things you can stop. You can deny your feelings but still, deep in your heart, no matter how many times you try to deny, you can still feel the tingly feelings, the excitement of seeing the one.
Someone actually asked me the same question days ago and it was stupid, it was funny how I wrote things like oh I got other crushes and I had a hubby alrd and whatsoever but, like I typed earlier, I can deny things, I can write things, saying that I'll be fine, but deep inside me, I know I'm not. I know that I'm not ready, not quite yet, to face the truth.
And it hurts. It hurts knowing how coward I am. Stealing glances at him from afar, staring at him like a creepy stalker, hoping that he'd never found out about me having a lil' crush on him. Why haven't I move on? Please, it's been longer than I thought. This crush thingy developed into me much faster than I thought, much much faster.
Eunji’s
eyes fell on him somewhere in January. She thought it was just a small crush,
and that he would only be her eye-candy, but her small crush seemed to develop
into her much faster than she thought. She could never get enough of him. He
was irresistible, he was addictive, he was a drug for her, and he was Do Kyungsoo,
a junior of her with a year and 3 days age gap.
It was the foreword of my Stranged in Fates and I could relate everything there. Everything.
Strangled in Fates should be a story that portrays my feelings towards him, how I only see him from afar, how devastated I can be if I don't see him and such but it somehow changes into a stupid love-triangle story, I must say, between Eunji, Kwangmin and Kyungsoo. There's no such things in my life. No. And I actually think of making Eunji end up with Kwangmin. Hmph.
But back to my first aim when I first wrote this fiction, it was supposed to be a story of Eunji and Kyungsoo (actually me and owl) and Kwangmin should only be the spices in the story, to add the flavors to my cooking, but it somehow becomes the main point of my dish. And I hate it. He should be the spices, not the main ingredient but he did, he already did, because I was writing as an author, not as Eunji, not as the main character. There are two different points of view between the author and the main character herself. If I were the author, of course, Kwangmin would be my choice. In the snap of my fingers, there you go, Eunji would end up with Kwangmin. But from the main character, who has been crushing on Kyungsoo for only-God-knows-how-long, of course she wanted to end up with Kyungsoo by hook or by crook. This is the dilemma I am facing right now that I decide to stop writing for awhile and relax my mind. Think. What is the aim of the fiction. I don't have to think about the readers because I am a reader myself, I know what I want, it's just that I'm so so so confused. I don't know if I should follow the voice of the Kwangmin supporters or I should be a selfish reader who only wants Kyungsoo.
So, yeah, gotta do my homework. Assalamualaikum.
Love you guys, bubblebye ^_^
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 Angel of Blue Diamond Saturn!
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Name : A!da $abr!na
Nicknames : A!da/$abr!na/Angel/BDA/Blue Diamond Angel/Alien/Dodo/Clown/Aidada/Chanyeol's Wifey
Korean name : Park Angelina
Birthday : 14th May 1999
State : EXO Planet, Earth, Saturn
Status : Officially taken by Chanyeol
Likes ;
☆ Kpop
☆ Chanyeol
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☆ Anons
☆ Copypasters
☆ Kpop haters
☆ Haters
☆ Annoying person
☆ Liars
Facts ;
◕‿◕ Currently studying in SMART◕‿◕ I express my feelings through fictions◕‿◕ Sometimes I think I'm good in writing and sometimes I think I'm not◕‿◕ Deep inside me, I want to write an English novel on my own◕‿◕ Creating posters is one of my hobbies actually◕‿◕ Love to read English novels but never really finish reading every word in them◕‿◕ I can get so touched when I read sad fictions◕‿◕ I love to collect quotes from fictions◕‿◕ I only read angst fictions- kinda◕‿◕ Wish I can be fluent in Arabic, English, Korean, Japanese, Mandarin and Urdu ASAP◕‿◕ I don't really like to do the same thing over and over again. Get sick of it seriously◕‿◕ I have flaws but I'm thankful for that◕‿◕ I want someone who doesn't care about me embarrassing myself. Example: If I accidentally make fun of myself, then he would laugh and then he would say things like "haha you're so embarrassing but who cares? My love for you won't ever change." Cheesy enough heh?◕‿◕ And I want that someone to love me for being random. Example: When I write about random things out of the topic we're talking about, he would be saying things like, oh you're so random, why do I like you in the first place and such. Too cheesy I kennot◕‿◕ Sometimes I talk too much◕‿◕ I am so not romantic but I love romantic things but I'm so geli with all those romance thingy
"Capture well the moment because it is evanescent."
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Sya-Syahirah | Ana Marlina | Ana Min-Ji | My Lost Star | You're Cold, I like! | Loving You Secretly | Can't You See? | Blue Diamond Angel | Chanyeol's Wifey | ASK BDA
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Stories of De Angel
I express my feelings by writing stories.
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My Crazy Hot Aliens !
My Crazy Hot Aliens II: The Invasion !
My Arranged Marriage with EXO-K's Sehun !
A Taste Of Your Own Medicine !
Murder In The Dark !
Yellow Dahlias !
Love Letters !
Coming Soon !
Face the Possibilities
Assalamualaikum.
Don't hope, cause when you hope, you put yourself up to be broken.
This saying keeps on lingering in my mind and I've always thought I'd write it in my Strangled in Fates. It is magical, it stops me from daydreaming, it keeps me awake, it shows me how far I am from him. I should never hope that he doesn't have a crush, I should never have. Because it hurts, it freaking hurts when there are possibilities that he alrd had a crush and whatsoever.
Today, I ask myself what if he has a crush already.
And yesterday, too. I was looking at him smiling and the thought suddenly rushed through my mind. It was stupid, I tried to shrug it off, I tried to let the thought go, just go away, out of my mind, but then, I just had to accept that it was possible for him to have a crush. It was really possible.
Aina suddenly told me that she had a feeling he alrd had a crush and again it hit me, right across my mind. Stupid, my heart uttered, and I was in verge of tears. He was absent and I missed him. I seriously had no mood earlier this day.
I just had to face the possibilities, I knew it. I kept on asking my friends the question, what if Owl has a crush? And they were all like, yeah, I think he has a crush alrd and so on and I was like, I thought the same too. And deep deep deep down my heart, there was this little hope that we were all wrong.
But again, I shouldn't hope, not in this crush thingy. Love isn't something you can force. Feelings are not things you can stop. You can deny your feelings but still, deep in your heart, no matter how many times you try to deny, you can still feel the tingly feelings, the excitement of seeing the one.
Someone actually asked me the same question days ago and it was stupid, it was funny how I wrote things like oh I got other crushes and I had a hubby alrd and whatsoever but, like I typed earlier, I can deny things, I can write things, saying that I'll be fine, but deep inside me, I know I'm not. I know that I'm not ready, not quite yet, to face the truth.
And it hurts. It hurts knowing how coward I am. Stealing glances at him from afar, staring at him like a creepy stalker, hoping that he'd never found out about me having a lil' crush on him. Why haven't I move on? Please, it's been longer than I thought. This crush thingy developed into me much faster than I thought, much much faster.
Eunji’s
eyes fell on him somewhere in January. She thought it was just a small crush,
and that he would only be her eye-candy, but her small crush seemed to develop
into her much faster than she thought. She could never get enough of him. He
was irresistible, he was addictive, he was a drug for her, and he was Do Kyungsoo,
a junior of her with a year and 3 days age gap.
It was the foreword of my Stranged in Fates and I could relate everything there. Everything.
Strangled in Fates should be a story that portrays my feelings towards him, how I only see him from afar, how devastated I can be if I don't see him and such but it somehow changes into a stupid love-triangle story, I must say, between Eunji, Kwangmin and Kyungsoo. There's no such things in my life. No. And I actually think of making Eunji end up with Kwangmin. Hmph.
But back to my first aim when I first wrote this fiction, it was supposed to be a story of Eunji and Kyungsoo (actually me and owl) and Kwangmin should only be the spices in the story, to add the flavors to my cooking, but it somehow becomes the main point of my dish. And I hate it. He should be the spices, not the main ingredient but he did, he already did, because I was writing as an author, not as Eunji, not as the main character. There are two different points of view between the author and the main character herself. If I were the author, of course, Kwangmin would be my choice. In the snap of my fingers, there you go, Eunji would end up with Kwangmin. But from the main character, who has been crushing on Kyungsoo for only-God-knows-how-long, of course she wanted to end up with Kyungsoo by hook or by crook. This is the dilemma I am facing right now that I decide to stop writing for awhile and relax my mind. Think. What is the aim of the fiction. I don't have to think about the readers because I am a reader myself, I know what I want, it's just that I'm so so so confused. I don't know if I should follow the voice of the Kwangmin supporters or I should be a selfish reader who only wants Kyungsoo.
So, yeah, gotta do my homework. Assalamualaikum.
Love you guys, bubblebye ^_^
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