Express The Angel

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Saturday, February 1, 2014 | 6:47 PM | 0 Alien

WARNING: CHEESY OVERLOAD I WANNA THROW UP OMG

They told me not to chat with strangers. Dangerous, they said, I might be chatting with a psycho, a thief or even a killer. I would never believe such things, of course, I wouldn't. I knew perfectly that I was not an easy target. I wasn't a perfect girl, after all. If you thought I was just another 'perfect' character in the fiction, then you're wrong. I didn't write this story to create the most perfect character ever, I was just going to share my story of me and him, and the love that would never be spoken, that would never be shared, and love that would never happen between us two.

Tears brim in my eyes, slowly dripping one by one. I sit back in my chair, accepting the fact that he is leaving me. The lyrics to Stay by Miley Cyrus keep playing in my mind, touching the bottom of my heart with every word deeply.

"Change school?" I remember my reaction to the rumor. Funny, I thought he would never go - he told me so. And now, should I cry for letting the love of my life go or should I be happy that the only obstacle for me is finally gone?

It wasn't too long since I first stepped into the world full of psycho and random questions. Two weeks ago- almost three, I started a conversation with a guy I knew from school. Funny, because to my surprise, he was every reason people told me not to chat with strangers.

Pie, he was not, rather not, a stranger. He was a junior of mine, two years and almost a month younger than me, with his maturity excluded, of course. With that kind of maturity he had in himself, he could even be my father. 168 cm, he was tall for a form 1 student, with small brown eyes, and fair skin; he was basically hot. Anyone who got him could be so lucky, no need to think any further, he was just perfect just the way he was. But funny, he was not funny and he didn't even try to be one, and I saluted him for being himself, full of himself for the three weeks we've been chatting.

Our first conversation wasn't so good though. It was really embarrassing that I regretted my first move. He was, basically, a psycho to me - he asked me questions that were so random yet frustrating. He was driving me insane- almost. He sounded really rude to me the first time we chatted then he drastically turned into the cute boy I thought he would never be and slowly, little by little, he stole the key to my heart.

I wouldn't blame him for driving me crazy because it was, actually, my fault. I shouldn't have started a conversation with him in the first place, if I never wanted to feel this kind of feeling. I was getting comfortable with him I didn't realize time passed by too quickly. Being in the heaven of the world, what was what I thought when I was with him in the virtual world of us two. It was more than a random conversation to me - it was heavenly, it was a stage for me to know him more. Slowly, we began to be more open to each other. Was it because we were getting much more comfortable with each other or it was just another game of him?

It wasn't too long until I found out he was talking behind my back yet I still thought he was nice. "I don't care about appearance" was basically the whole lie he kept repeating to me. I never asked him about my appearance, but talking about how ugly I was to his friends behind my back was absolutely unforgivable. I didn't know what possessed me right after that because apparently I realized I was already in the middle of another random conversation with him. Shortly after, I realized I was falling so deeply for him.

Days turned into weeks and after having some 'quality' conversations with him, I heard people talking about how some people I knew confessed to him. My heart ached, I didn't know why, but it was painful. My world suddenly dimmed, I couldn't think straight. Watching him from afar, he seemed really innocent. How I envied him. He could live happily with his own life but me, myself, I was so miserable, I was in pain, I didn't wanna lose him to some people I knew. I got my pride and I had to hold it in my fist. I wasn't a loser, I wouldn't back away.

I was a girl of my words - I didn't back away, and I never thought I would ever do that. It was really random but I held my head high and asked him about it. Funny, he said, he didn't even care about it. Relieved, that was what I felt.

Sky wasn't always clear, and I forgot that. Everything has a price to pay, and I forgot that. Karma, a storm stroke between us, the sky darkened and the bad news came - he was leaving. I was so stupid to think it was only a rumor, but he told me so.

Friday, it was 24th of January, and again, I found myself taking short glances at him. Funny, I thought, as I left for the restaurant nearby with thoughts that I could see him again someday. But fate seemed to be playing with me because apparently, I was wrong.

He was leaving, he would leave me for the time being- might be forever, and I couldn't believe myself for being so stupid because now, I was trapped in this game called reality. I was living in the world full of hopes all these while I didn't realize fates had trapped me in this game. But yet I thought I was smart. Funny, fates were smarter than me and I never realized it until the moment I found out the truth. He didn't bother to tell me more about it, and he kept changing the topic whenever I asked him about it.

I sat back in my chair, with his name in every part of my mind. The sound of the ticking clock hit me so badly and that was the moment I remembered something.

"What will you do when I'm gone?"

He asked me not too long ago, later, he added, "except from chatting with me." I felt suspicious but I let the thought go and pretended to be okay. I wanted to play superhero but I lied, I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't a hero. I regretted everything I typed because maybe, probably, might be, that was the moment he thought I would be perfectly fine without him.

Life without him was really hard I could barely hold onto it. I missed him so badly but I couldn't cry. I longed for him but he wasn't there with me. I wanted to see him again, at least once, but fate didn't bring us together. I wanted just one more chance to meet him. I wanted to say goodbye, even when I knew I could never let him go. If he were to leave me forever, I would, rather, bide goodbye to him. At least, for the first and the last time, I wanted to talk to him, and have a proper farewell because we both knew very well that we were nothing more than virtual friends.

I tried to live without him, I tried to be okay but I couldn't survive. I was being as miserable as ever and I needed him. I kept myself busy, but he still wouldn't leave my mind. He carved his name in my heart and I hated him for that. "Stay" was only a thought, a whisper. He could never hear the word, no matter how much I wanted him to stay, I just couldn't, not that I wanted to, but I just couldn't find the gut to ask him to stay. Shyness conquered everything, even in this kind of situation.

And now, here I am, in front of my laptop, again, waiting for him. I don't know how many times I have waited for him, but, still, he's not there.

Pie,
Should I be honest with you so that you'll know my heart? But will you change your mind then? Will you stay? I'm waiting for a miracle that won't happen because now, I'm strangled in fates.

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Serious ntah pape. Saya ingatkan nak buat Chanyeol and buat macam fanfic betul, tapi ntah lah, takde mood. Btw, hari ni dah sebulan (y) Benda ni takde lah betul sangat. Macam mengarut aje kalau saya baca balik tapi saya tak baca balik so yehet. Nak buat dramatic, tapi takde mood, so, FAIL! HAHA XD. And esok hari last dia, tu pun kalau dia on, kalau dia tak on, hahahahahaha lemme cry in the corner.

Saya ada mood nak buat poster, tapi macam takde mood sangat so macam wth aje. Saya nak buat tapi takde idea. Saya nak try buat poster style lain, macam ada smoke2 sikit, dramatic2 sikit, tapi belum jumpa idea lagi. Heisy. So, assalamualaikum.

Love you guys, bubblebye ^_^

PAST ♥ FUTURE

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Bubblehye

Assalamualaikum! Greetings, aliens from Saturn! You've stepped into BDA's world. Accept me for who I am or just get out of here. I don't bite.
Blue Diamond Angel

Reminiscing those moments when we were all together as one big family